Summer lovin, but I don’t mean the rapey song

Open season blog, summerdate 66409.58

This summer is going to be a little different from last. I’m already seeing things I can’t participate in for a second year because, yes I still don’t have “extra” money. Last year I made an unspoken promise that things wouldn‘t be like this now. Financially, I’m slightly better but not enough to dump a couple of weeks worth of grocery money in a day.

Basically, I’m sick of being nice to unresponsive store and restaurant managers and getting nothing in return. It’s maddening and yet something society, my mother and my past voice plays in an endless loop that I have to do, right up there with the definition of insanity (doing something over and over again expecting a different result).

May hit me with a lot of season/ series tv show enders. I didn’t see many, erratic network tv reception is a curse but largely a blessing. I read about a lot of them. It made me think of my favorite season cliffhangers and the top series enders, ones that got their proper ending and far more that got cancelled or even a bum rush ending. If you thought of many in this paragraph, please note them as I try to figure out how to change my blog so anyone can note (without a login).

The straw that broke my back was the last weekly, the summer events guide. This summer like last promises a lot of free concerts, community events, fairs, conventions that have already been steady since winter weather petered out. I did go to a lot of free things last summer and then I stopped going, which was a mistake. I guilt-ed myself when I saw everyone spend a lot at each or bring all their “upper status” things to wave in everyone’s face. I mistakenly allowed materialism from the Joneses to gain the upper hand.

When I was in Vegas and had “baller money” I never waved it in someone else’s face when I could do something others couldn’t. I still did cheap things, I just got more mileage out it.

I’ve been studying early 20-somethings for the past couple of years. There’s an energy they have. There are beliefs they have, society is geared towards it. You learn and question everything in high school. If you can go to college, even a community one, you choose what you want to study, where you want to go in life. I admittedly am learning 2 decades too late that “going after my dreams” in film/ video entertainment was the wrong choice. The way the world operates is job security in knowing the legalities, finances and advertising savvy to run a business. I had my fun in my 20s and even 30s. and even all my savings & cashed out 401Ks didn’t last 2 years of looking for work.

Something weird happens in your 20’s, you’re groomed to go off into a career and then aside from a week off every year, who gives a shit, life doesn’t change until you turn 65 and theoretically retire. For awhile, it used to be a retirement having to work as a greeter at Helmart and even that is decimating before us first wave of post baby boomers will get to that age since that generation will rape social security and every other retirement option dry since they already “borrowed” from those budgets.

Early 20’s is “let’s go on trips and see what’s out there before we become stuck in careers and kids for the rest of our lives.” I try to look at my unemployment as a chance to get this energy back. I have a “half time” break where I can think about what to do with the rest of my life with a fresher start that early 20 year olds never comprehend. For a lot of them, it’s balls out, kids that have it tougher live like they don’t even expect to make it past 30, which is also why car insurance is jacked up for that age and why most pregnancies and STDs happen in those “fuck the condom” years.

I literally lived where people “bet it all,” for a decade. The odds catch up, the house always wins in the long run. Living there I knew this and instead of investing in the companies (which may have actually been a good call in retrospect), I put my money on the felt and the penny slots for the free beer like everyone else that lives there. Live for today, fuck around with your friends.

This summer I need to break the monotony. And if I volunteer for some of the community events, it’s another chance for me to “network,” although I have no intention of doing so. I want to have a modicum of fun while I’m doing something where I’m also learning and can be productive. If you believe in movie/ tv logic, in the zen I’d eventually get a job offer. I just know I need to break out of my own mental poverty walls on a regular basis. I spent another winter cooped up in this mofuggin condo trying to sell shit on amazon to stay afloat.

Summer hiatus of 2012?

Explorer’s blog, itinerary date 66398.66

Remember last time when I said I’d write about organization? I lied.

Screw that, it seems to be a common sense on how to clean an area out or organize time. Actually, the topic I’m hard shifting to is related to this, so I guess it turns out you’ll get the practical flowchart example.

What got the ball rolling were all the season/ series enders on tv in May. Honestly, I read about most, saw a couple and 1 I don’t even understand why, other than I got reception on my tv for it (Desperate yentas). No matter how cliché those can get, it still made me think of the big changes I could do this summer aside from the same old 1 that’s worn my brain and spirit down to a raw little jagged blister that used to be where I kept hope and faith.

I got the weekly and it has a guide for things to do this summer. It actually made me happy for a bit, with the promise of free/ cheap things to do. I’ve often been pissed off where I live. It’s the 3rd largest city in California (population wise), but culturally, it drags down to the high 20s.

I’m so tired of fighting the fight for a paycheck, I need to do something that’s just fun. I always guilt myself for every time I catch myself sitting around doing nothing. I at least have to read something (educational), watch tv or you tube that I can learn business from, develop searching skills, etc.

Wherever I go apply in the weekday, I see the elderly out and at times on the way home. There’s also that at risk time for kids between 3-6 PM where they’re out in hoards, bored with no money. I observe (or remember) what these 2 groups do with their time. I’m in my early 40’s, I can’t sit out in front of the 7-11. I have to look busy, people between teens and seniors get targeted the most for loitering. If we’re not buying anything, we’re a trespassing risk more noticeable than blending into a casino with a few hundred people who are really also not doing much all dressed up. We’re the fuckups that don’t have an excuse to be wandering around on a weekday.

So, like most planning, it’s good to have all the information in front of you: the guide, the stack of pamphlets, articles, etc. And then you have your blank piece of paper or whatever media you brainstorm on. Some people have a sketchbook, I have my blank notebooks/ journals, etc. I don’t think it’s a good idea to put notes on an iphone, but people peck at those a word at a time somehow.

There are tons of things I/ we want to do, but in brainstorming you list it all out. But I streamline it a little. I have to mentally hack out the things that are too far away (by public transportation more than an hour away). I have to take into consideration that things have to basically be free, but you can plan what your budget’s going to be like.

For those of you that think Coachella is worth the price of a ticket, gas, parking possibly hotel room, you schedule out the bands you want to see the most and the logistics of getting to the stages where there are drunk, high people all over the place including you. You breakdown what is actually practical, like picking 6 major moves in the day.

What I then do is prioritize. Without money, I’m basically want to do 3 things this summer, 1 per month. I’m considering volunteering for the city/ county. There are a lot of community events where they have a tent and someone handing out fliers/ pamphlets. I know someone involved I met, so I may hit her up soon. There’s free outdoor movies where I saw Viva Las Vegas last summer, Blues Brothers, etc. they pick fun movies and you bring your chairs and snacks out, you can buy beer, etc. They have security.

Concerts in the park suffered and it turns out last summer I went to the last shows. Security issues with rowdy people and transients wandering in hearing the music “encroaching on their turf.” so this summer they’re announcing concerts at small venues around town, each in their own controlled environment.

I know it pales compared to all the things to do in Vegas. That’s my other summer plan. I thought about taking a summer hiatus off twitter, most likely limit my time to a short session at night. But I failed at that before. I need to keep up on my weekly promise to blog here even though I mistake of seeing the vast void of the visit count.

My plan is to try to enjoy my life here and how. I have done this “settling” in the past and it has kept me here longer. But I’ve been here for 2 years without a paycheck. I’m stuck here. Vegas is fading more than I want it to as an extended vacation. When I was writing about letting things go, I may have to let Vegas go in my mind, stop mentioning it. Back burner it until I have 1) my credit card paid off (from “that job”) and money in savings before I can get back to thinking about it again, so my plans don’t seem so beyond my reach.