Unemploymentosphere

an Amazing WordPress.com site

Writer’s Blog: bardate 66153.04

Writing is about one of the last things I have that is all mine. Sometimes I question whether or not I’m a control freak. I think I put up with a lot, I “give up” too much control until I’m backed into a corner, and that is something I have to work on. Western tv/ film influence calls the reaction taking a stand. However the reaction I see is different when I am put in a situation to speak up. It turns into what’s called a Larry David moment.

I have in the past I come out fighting after taking so many daily indignities, be it work or noticeably holiday customs/ business/ politics that bring up the same irritating questions every year. I’ve noticed “thick skin” or “going with the flow” seems to mean get back to your cubicle and shut up, sheep.

There are people I see with blogs that also do their own thing. They make money off them and I have to pay attention to all that crap in the sides, headers and footers to see who may be giving a cut to the content in the middle. I’m fascinated by some of these bloggers/ vloggers. They do great consistent work and have a following.

I think my big blog following was on MySpace until they fucked it up. I tried a couple of other web communities with mixed results. I came to word press because I researched blog communities that have been around a long time and you could follow, comment and connect to other bloggers. And at some point I could eventually transfer it to my own domain.

It’s tough writing a book, that has turned into outlines of 6-8 others that can run either in tandem or sequence. There’s a lot of privacy to a point, so our shit doesn’t get ripped off. But you do have to put some “A” material out there to test reaction like a stand up comedian trying out riffs, making sure the narrative/ language works. I sit on a lot of things I’m proud of for hopefully a pay off later, to allow me to continue doing this thing that allows me to be my own boss.

DVD commentaries about movie/ tv production and the lives of writers? Yeah, I‘m a whore for that stuff. Writers’ block hasn’t been one of my problems, I have binders and stacks of notes. Hoarding is my problem and I spend a lot of time whittling down now to just what “will make an income” at the end of the day.

There’s a list I have of all the things I want to do and am chipping away at now. It seems that I can “launch” a bunch of things when I get an income. I do go out there and walk around without much to my name. Confidence is a heavier weight for me to carry without a job.

Never before have I had so much time to realize confidence isn’t just the image I have of myself, it’s a lot of carrying the weight of supporters. It’s hard to believe whether or not I care what naysayers think is controlled by a bit ion my brain that is either switched to 1 or 0.

I was often put into positions of responsibility or leading with whatever random group of people I’m with. Now, I struggle with letting problems go instead of owning every damn thing. I try to ration now by what I’m getting paid to do. It’s been freeing.

I’ve been writing every week about my early years of discovering Vegas. Problems are not only laughable, I seek out the best ones. I think what separates men from women is that we men will do a lot of shit just for the story.

When I write, I can bend time and space, since my day-to-day isn’t much fun. I can talk to people I can’t talk to now, I am filled with so much pride, or embarrassment. Or shit, right? I can see and bring people back when they were at their best. And I as well.

For a few months now, I’ve been restless. I’m ready to go out there and live life, something besides trying to find an employer to accept me. I’m so tired of seeing events go by without being able to join in.

2012/02/25 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My trail on the interwebs

I feel kinda nervous starting another blog. Each site I devoted months and years on made the eventual big Change that pissed off all it’s users, drove them to other sites. In Myspace, it basically wiped out over 10 years of blogs (circa 1997-2008) and more important, comments that inspired me to write more and basically cheered me up a hell of a lot.

Facebook drew my interest for a couple of years (2008-2010-ish). When I joined people were complaining about a big change I missed. When I had to move away from Vegas and back to the bay area, I was honestly depressed and didn’t want to read about all the fun things I was missing and bragging that people do about how they’re in a better place in life. Facebook blogging paled in comparison to Myspace, they called it making a “note” and for some reason it only filled the middle third column of the screen that couldn’t be adjusted.

Google+ was something I didn’t even want to get involved in and it’s already tanking with issues from verification checks on your “real name.” They basically want your phone number, social, checking account numbers. My trust fell with all the big social network sites and even search engines. I wouldn’t have guessed that Big Brother came from social networking instead of government. But every word we type is accumulated market research to sell ads.

I have even started blogs on other sites, to have them not last more than a few entries. I want to feel the interaction w/ notes and comments I felt back on Myspace, less like I’m writing to a wall. It’s part of why I gave up on facebook, also. I had my friend list, but I ranted a lot with my unemployment. My support dwindled with my frustrations. My world was systematically collapsing and honestly I lashed out when my pleas for assistance were met with silence. I was always there for others.

I found yelp and that place was great for a couple of years, too. I helped me find new small businesses in Vegas. I tried keeping it up after I had to move back, but it became increasingly frustrating. My reviews of Vegas started getting out of touch. Things change fast over there, I felt like my reviews were obsolete. There was even a point where I was reviewing places as they closed down. That was a bummer, too. I may link that sometime. It’s should be easy to find if you want to search on your own for it, if not note me. I did a lot of first reviews.

It’s December, so everyone does a resolution thing. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I do have a goal here. I have written so much about Vegas that it leads my mind to other things. For some reason, I brainstorm an essay in my head, even if I’m waiting in line. I get the need to post it somewhere, to get it out of my head. Sometimes it’s tips, a lot of times it was ranting.

A page long essay every week is what I want to do, about things that wouldn’t go into the Vegas book I dream about writing. I have assembled a couple of binders of research and I have tons of printouts from when I was a concierge. I have 3 years of pamphlets and years of weeklies I basically hoarded. Those can get me thru these times so far away. I have to put them away sometimes when I get depressed and feel that I’m looking back more than forward about it. I eventually realize it’s both. I can’t go forward without remembering what I am capable of.

I want this to be a place of hope. I rant semi anonymously on twitter. I have noticed I’ve been un-followed by people I actually know. I don’t know where I can vent. In person, I’m actually friendly, pleasant and mostly listening to other people’s problems. When I go online and rant, people could think that that’s all I am and I understand that. Maybe I could take racquetball so I can slam a ball around.

Maybe next time I’ll write about what I’ve accomplished this year so you can get an idea of where my head has been the past couple of years.

2011/12/20 Posted by | History 101 | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

First!

This is a test

I have to learn how to work all the functions staring at me on the left column.

Once I get all competent on this, I’ll blow your Vegas blog hole wide open.

Add me if you blog from Vegas or are interested in reading about Vegas.

I’m on Twitter,

I write reviews on Yelp.

I have a Myspace that I used since 2003 until a format change ZAPPED away 10 years of blogs and notes without warning in 2010 when those 300 myspace employees were laid off for the holidays. Black Blog Day.

One of the things I worry about is Facebook either becoming the new abandoned Myspace in a few years, or the portal to privacy invasion that will make hackers look like children on a Fisher Price computer.

What happens if I check “This post is super-awesome?”

2011/08/16 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment