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Comedy Podcast Therapy

podcast blog, stream date: 131209:20

Maybe last year, I dabbled in podcasts from comedians I enjoy (and in one case I actually didn’t). Keep your enemies closer, that bothered me. Some days I have to analyze them, try to figure out what’s going on. If I do that, the realization becomes I’m obsessing on them, so I cut ties. And then I question my behavior because I quit. I hate when people quit over something as lame as a disagreement. Aren’t there married couples with opposite political beliefs? How do they do that?

So each podcast I listened to had a guest that led to another. The obvious barometer could be do they have cool guests? Yeah, I listened to those. But then after a few, I pick an episode where they don’t have guests or in some cases even a co-host (if they have one). Could they carry the ball on their own?

I have over 30 pod casts, probably approaching 40 that I’m listening to. It’s clearly the talk show format that tv and terrestrial radio failed to give us. Commercials are like stds and I don’t want to get infected by a lot of those big retailers. Podcasts if they have ads, venture into online ads, the “new frontier.”

Online businesses that don’t have brick and mortar and don’t at least appear to be outsourced outside US are still a big mystical quality to them. And yet these magical online businesses also contribute to massive unemployment in the US. Production is automated or outsourced to sweatshops that don‘t have unions to protect minors/ employees rights. Technology IS replacing the American worker.

Books have become the education I can afford. The vocational classes I want to take cost $hundreds, while their books I could still check out or buy at a fraction. I just don’t get the degree. But all those people with degrees working fast food and retail aren’t much of an incentive, either.

The more pod casts I listen to, the more I hear that people “in the business” had parents that were in it. They took their kid to work one day and they were caught in the spell. Comedians seem to come from a few places and honestly, I’m reasonably past the point to be in a male a capella group in NYU.

Celebrities always talk about how lucky they were to get that first big break. But they lived in l.a., where agents and bookers hang out at comedy clubs on their night off. Every child that makes the news because they did some incredible thing had parents that put them in a certain school, or contacted make a wish whose business it was to call around to broker people looking for charitable publicity.

I always look for those that haven’t gotten their break yet and have plucked away at their trade for over a decade. When I hear about someone who finally made it, I can believe. Those fictional sports movies/ shows are such bullshit to me. It’s fake, they didn’t win anything!? The script said so, of course they were confident, there were no actual stakes!? Even if it’s a recreation the actors are too pompous. Each minute on the field, it’s adrenaline. You never know if you make those last critical points. You can make the best shot and still lose the big game and all your support groups disappear after that.

Podcasts let me know people are still plucking away out there. Many celebs wind up talking about what they talk about with therapists. With the guest and the host trying to figure out what those dry spell problems are, what they mean.. Hey, free therapy for me as I ask the same questions.

 

2013/12/09 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Ending (if you want Spoilers)

Last blogs, Finale date 201308:19

I think since the Battlestar Galactica reboot, I purposely won’t get involved in a tv series until it’s over.

For some reason, now that everyone is getting all trope savy, we all want to know about that Finale. Will a new show even make it to the end of a planned season? Theoretically the end of the 4th season is the “100 hour” mark. Once it makes it to syndication, how is the series going? Is it deep into the season’s drama? Did they develop a good Big Bad for the season or better yet series?

It’s so tough to get a movie made with all the development hell steps, the worst thing a movie could do is blow it in those last 10 minutes. You can’t even get a sequel to make up for it if it doesn’t generate enough interest (income) to make one.

People can get hooked on the BEST series and then it’s ruined with the series finale. While were sucking Lost’s cock and critics were circle jerking around it, I kept remembering Battlestar and waiting…. And every time I hear about all the other anti- hero dad tv series, I think the same thing.

People weren’t even satisfied at the draw your own conclusion ending with Soprano’s. I read about viewers theories and apparently the foreshadowing came to the same conclusion real life did. There can be no Soprano’s reunion where Tony lives.

Also, all these dark series have taken their toll on me, albeit slower than “reality” tv did. That happened to me around the 4th season of Real World.

I can’t avoid all the tweets and articles about Breaking Bad. Is there any way the series could end that would satisfy half the viewers? The whole point is to watch the Big Main spiral into hell. What happens if they don’t do that? Or they attempt to “redeem him the right way?“ Remember the Shield?

It’s why I had to watch Harry Potters and I will have to rewatch them. That series just got better, even though 1) we know the ending (the “chosen one” vs. any evil?) and 2) it’s a collection of every English fantasy fiction trope as well as acting pool for the past 40 years. But, it maintained a quality and went out big and I have to study the success, from the first book to the last.

Harry Potter is apparently the big fluke because Rowling wasn’t known for much more (public media-wise) before that. So every time I look at a series everyone loves, I spend more time reading about what the creator has done before.

Game of thrones “guy” was known for writing before and people can look at his earlier work to try to gauge the quality of it now. And that leads to questioning if his writing (endings) have improved, or is he still trying to beat the dead horses of his earlier stuff? You know, like how a band comes out with a new album but all the songs are still the same? Do people even listen to a whole “album” anymore? At least we’re aware that many characters (that people got interested in) are going to die in the series, since there are cast of thousands.

It seems like a big deal is to have a cast of thousands, too. Simpson’s Springfield, Lost. It’s not enough to follow a dozen people on a show for some reason. A show has to have an expanded universe as big as Star Wars by the end of the first season. And yet, if the focus is shifted so much off the main characters, what the hell are people watching then?

I admit I read spoiler endings, now. It’s not to answer the big questions, it’s so I can see if those are the lessons/ answers I want or need to learn..

2013/08/11 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Writing In Your Magical, Happy World Part 4 of 10

Backlog blog, catch up date 130423:22

Wow, I have a lot to catch up on! Sorry.

So, we have character(s) that have to act to get something they want, called to respond by someone else or may even act to avoid something.

What’ll happen is they have to go somewhere out of their comfort zone/ status quo land, which is plot stage #3. This is what movie makers show in the poster! You go on vacation to a wonderful land, not like back home at all. Or you go into a magical world where animals can talk, or magic spells can happen. Werewolves, vampires and other monsters exist. Time travel is possible!

Or of course, you go into Hef’s mansion and there are topless girls walking around everywhere! Of course there’s no drama or petty bickering or gossip or anything like that. They all are horny and are not at all just vying for playmate/ girl friend/ staying on property status.

But it’s also other earthly things. What’s that noise outside? Is someone going to be stupid enough to go out there and see what it is? And go outside the front door and close it behind them? You bet. You’re driving along and crap, it’s a flat tire. (uh, thank you fir the link, Wikipedia?) You have to get out, see what hellish road conditions are out there and see how flat your mini donut is, after unloading the most full trunk you’ve ever seen.

People are also put into other situations against their choosing. The character(s) get put into prison and madcap hilarity follows. They are likely to learn something in the joint before they get out. Or do they ever get out?

It’s also simple things. I’m in the living room. I’m hungry. So I have to go into magical kitchen land and see what’s in the fridge or cupboards. It’s usually not magical, because we all know what is and isn’t in the kitchen.

You think of protagonists, but there also bad guys are going thru the same events and their world is changing, too. “Who the hell are these insurgent kids running around hacking my troops and robots up with their light sabers?” “That bitch in the blue dress crushed my sister with her house!” “There must be something to eat around here, let’s go in this Nostromo thing and see what’s cookin!“ And of course you can’t have a film discussion without mentioning “who the hell is taking out my partners during the Nakatomi heist?”

What usually happens in films/ tv is that the status quo land is not unlike our own. We live in boring town, work a boring cubicle/ retail job. We have to wait in lines. There’s no magic here. It’s even in black and white around here! Few movies since Wizard of Oz can pull off such a change as to go from sepia to a Technicolor world. Everyone is in their commute before the earthquake happens and changes everything.

Whatever happens is a hell of a big change from what we’re used to. And sadly, most actors say “Really? Wowwwww….” What should really happen things are levitating with no support is to go on and on about it, “HOLY SHIT, THAT CAR IS REALLY FLYING!! I mean look at it, it really is! Fuck, dude, do you see this? There’s no strings or nothing. What the fuck?! Do you see this!” If we got catapulted to the future, we’d really be going on about it for hours.

Of course before you have much time to look around, new problems come cropping up, something that really escalated beyond what you thought your initial problem was…

2013/04/23 Posted by | Writing course in 10 sessions | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Story Writing Part 2 of 10: Our Little Village

Writer’s Blog, typedate 120305:09 (uh, movie spoilers?)

The first thing a story needs are characters, a setting and a “beginning.” And that’s in quotes because the beginning of a story can take place in the future and flash back to now, or sometime in the past, a story’s prologue. Good times, huh?

What a beginning of a story is supposed to do is introduce main characters and give you a status quo “land.” You have to identify with someone in a society and see the story thru them. If a movie starts with a traffic jam, you’re going to see your character break from the pack. Your eye is drawn to it and likely that’s the person that’s going to be followed. Or a herd of animals, same thing. Or one of the robots falls off the factory conveyor belt.

There are a lot of great examples of starts, but here are a few terrible ones.

One of the most overused story beginnings is someone waking up and getting out of bed. It’s hack and lazy and you’re better than that. You may have thought of a dozen examples of this. The first thing I thought of is the student who of course wakes up late for school. And what does he do when he brushes his teeth? See, predictability can be terrible for a story.

Most movies have 15 minutes to reel you in, that’s what studios decide what gets filmed. At the same time, that intro has to make the “before” horrible but exciting at the same time. There are going to be changes in the story to amazing people, places and things, but you have to contrast it to the boring day-to-day life can be for “the masses.” your story will stand out from that.

Some movies take the approach that everything does seem great and incredible and everything works, but then there’s problems people don’t address that character(s) will uncover.

Whoville is great, but the Grinch is watching nearby. Everyone is cruising along on the Enterprise and then the ship takes a dump, to no fault of their own. It’s a space anomaly. This Jurassic Park place is a cool idea! Too bad it’s going to be torn all to shit because you messed with nature.

A cool way I like for a story to begin is often done in Star Trek, which I will try not to over refer to. But everything is going along fine and then a character(s) will do something completely bizarre, but people will go on as if everything is okay. Did you see that? What the hell did they say/ do? Am I the only one seeing this horrific thing going on? And you spend the next 40 minutes trying to figure out what the nefarious space thing did to the crew, their memories or location.

They got that from Twilight Zone, which is something everyone needs to see who starts writing. Sometimes an ordinary person gets a supernatural power. Sometimes the enemy is Earth, or humans! You have to start with “normality,” so people can see the contrast in the story’s changes.

Another cool beginning I like is the “failed mission.” A lot of spy stories and cop shows start like this. Someone falls victim to a calamity, and our protagonists will have to find out and/or avenge what happened. A ship is destroyed and then our ship comes merrily along, unaware there’s a space shredder coming up. Someone is lost and they have to be found. Are they even alive? Sometimes, they are not. Someone loses a battle and the threat is in the wind and has to be stopped.

Sometimes this is called a teaser. James bond can be finishing an unrelated mission. Sometimes a person/ crew will get attacked and fail very thoroughly and horribly only to reveal it’s a training mission (they will have to get better at later). It’s also a chance to show your favorite characters get killed in a sequel, but not get killed.

Next time, we develop the needs of your characters, good bad and evil.

 

2013/03/05 Posted by | Writing course in 10 sessions | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

20130220:15 Let’s write a story, part 1 of 10

Writer’s Blog, blank screen date: 130220:15

Of TEN, how’s that for commitment? Really, the segments I’ve studied break down to 8 parts, but I need this entry to explain my dilemmas and a thing at the end for the inevitable things I’d forget and or updates with situations therein.

I have read about and studied screenwriting and play writing. I have taken courses in college and have more film books than I can read. Honestly, history gets a little dry, which makes no sense. By definition history should be interesting if not exciting.

Currently I’m reading about just that, making every sentence exciting, losing those participals I keep dangling and extraneous prepositions.

Most films and plays follow a 3 act structure, but that’s odd to me. It’s too brief, too simple, but every act has a ton of elements in them. Tv is structured like that, half hour and hour shows, but none of them are formatted that way. They’re formatted to commercial breaks.

A half hour show has a lead in, opening credits, 3 commercials and closing credits. That’s at least 4-5 segments of story, each of which has to have a “teaser” to keep you from changing the channel while those annoying commercials come on. It’s similar for hour-long shows, they theoretically have more time to concentrate on a “b” story and even a C, if they have a lot of characters and they each have things to do.

Scrubs is kinda genius with this, since they developed by the 3rd season to mastering the 3 simultaneous story theme going on. Coincidentally, they’re made to parallel each other which is smart, coincidental or even dumb depending on how all 3 stories are executed.

I have also read short story writing books and read short stories. I like short stories because you quickly cover all the senses and all the w’s, all the character development, even mystery to your story. It’s why a lot of writers like me are super fans of things like Twilight Zone. There are horribly outdated things in those shows (small towns, imagine leaving your front door and car unlocked). But the concepts and feelings of a characters eventual desperation or situation develops.

Twilight zone is a forerunner to Star Trek on it’s best episodes. Those are the episodes that look at humanity from the outside as alien research. There’s things trying to be science fiction right now that are ridiculous, characters shouldn’t be invented based on their costumes or weapons to sell action figures. Sci fi lost its way with the whole dark, grim obsession. They want to be noir without the tragic ending.

So, I’m starting this for a few reasons: 1) to take you in and eventually by the end you should see the problems I’m having and hopefully have recommendations; 2) I want to write this to unlearn what I’m learning, even though that term is getting blurred with it’s over use; 3) if I can teach what I know, I’ll have to remind myself of the back corners of details that may spark something I have been overlooking. 4) If you’ve never taken a writing course, you’re about to save thousands of hours and dollars and commute to USC.

Weather I/ we write a story via blog entry, vlog, telling one at a bar, you tube video, short story in an anthology or film and tv, it can be broken down to the items to the following 8 stages. It’s true there are exceptions, but to those like me trying to “make it,” this format has to remain true. Those that get to break the pattern have made millions and can finance it themselves. We can’t.

If you think this is familiar, it’s a mishmash from a bunch of different screenwriters whose names reappear if you have studied writing format:

1. There’s a status quo, a place where the story starts off at.
2. There are characters, and their needs or wants will be presented.
3. There’s a “call to action,” the characters will be faced with having to deal with a threat and they will have to decide to do something about it. They will have to leave their comfort zone to do something about it.
4. They will have to adapt and “face trials” on learning how to combat the threat. Trial and error. Research, learning from others. Making more allies and enemies.
5. They will get the thing they want, but of course there are annoying strings attached that will screw other things up.
6. The characters, good and or bad will have to make sacrifices and take some big losses once the “thing” is obtained or achieved.
7. The characters will have to return to status quo land and they will have to decide to do this.
8. They will be back to another day similar to the beginning, but they will have knowledge and experience to deal with a threat that will be reoccurring or developing somewhere else.

 

2013/02/20 Posted by | Writing course in 10 sessions | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog gang bang, fill all holes

Action blog, accomplish date 66480.37

It’s time for another blog slathered in catch up. The good news is I’ve been busy.

1) I had a fish tank I moved around for years, so of course when I decided I’d start an aquarium to give my cat a TV for her to watch, I found it had a crack on the bottom, probably from the move back to Podunk. I was able to get a replacement, I paid more at a small local shop with historical roots for the past 50+ years, not a national imported chain. And I’m broke ass, it was worth it.

2) I’ve been reading a lot, resulting in some interesting opposites. Last month, I removed the tv, computer and I won’t bring my phone anymore into my bedroom. It’s created a strange land where sleep actually occurs. And I find myself thinking about getting to get back to my comfortable bed a few times a day. I read there, but I don’t get far, because lying down, I’m knocked on my rem ass pretty quickly, often with a lamp on and me waking up to a smashed book.

And I can’t read in the living room kitchen, because computer and tv. So I go out and I find myself looking for a hangout. I used to bring a book when I knew I’d go to the DMV or back in the day when I went to crowded malls for the Holidays (before I got smarter and did my shopping thru the year during all the business closing sales). I also got my reading done at bus stops. So Now I’m actually looking for an excuse to wait for something to read, that part’s kinda sad.

In the library, I can get reading done, but I wind up checking out FAAR more books than I can get thru. I want to check everything out, given 15 minutes to wander around. I get into audio books and dvds and I overload myself I wind up skimming everything which is bad news. My mind scrambles and I find myself in 5th gear with road vision, not paying attention to anything. And not retaining what I want to read is no good.

There are a dozen reasons why I don’t patronize the five bucks coffee place. The bathroom of a coffee shop has to be the scariest part of any business. I do love the term laptop hobos, another reason why I don’t go. And I never understand why people want to be around coffee beans grinding, can’t they do that in a radio booth or something?

A bar in the afternoon, now that’s nice and quiet. They want my business and the drunks are stewing about their own business and generally aren’t loud, or for very long until they get kicked out. There are chairs against the wall to sit at, although I do have to plan what I read that won’t draw a big interest. People want to look at your cover and I can’t take the jacket off a laminated library book easily. But I haven’t had a beer in a long, long time. What about an empty mug, optimists?

3) I’ve been analyzing my favorite tv shows of all time. I’m obsessed with studying why tv shows fail. I look at directors, producers and writers to see where their careers peaked and what’s happened to them after. On one hand, I’m worried that I hit my peak about 5-6 years ago. You can’t get better than what I got to do in my boredom that I spend most of the day trying to capture now.

In a status update, I decided I need to find a symbolic movie at least, something to pump my “worth” back up. It seems like I’ve been trolling the trade show/ infomercial circuit of life.

4) I’ve read enough business books, econ books and seen many, many seminar/ webinar videos on you tube. Once you get past all the god awful clichés, the inspirational story with inconsistent symbolism, the gimmick words and phrases, the sales pitch for books, web sites… What was I- oh, there are nuggets of wisdom. The 20/80 principle seems to come true, you get 20% wisdom for the 80% of bullshit to wade past. One thing I know is that while my schedule may be open, I need to keep busy educating myself with as much reading as I had in college. I’ve done more, but unfortunately I don’t have a certificate or diploma as proof.

I know I need to produce something on my own, be my own CEO. Stop working for jackassery of national companies where I’m an unknown cog. If I work at a local business one on 1 with the owner/ manager, I’d be far more important to the business. So I continue to focus on a small, local to work for, while I hedge that with trying to sell articles about local events to local rags.

Seems like most of the authors/ presenters ride on their promises with the next book, while writing a lot of rah rah fluff in the mean time.

I write about my adventures, instead. And harsh lessons. And unlike stories your friends tell you, I’m not always the hero of the events I recall.

2012/06/24 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A grab bag of catchup

Writers blog, blank screen date 66448.75

I have to keep writing. I get lazy and doubtful and that’s the wost thing I can do when it comes to my own blog. There are tons of things I can go out and do, buy, join or follow that can be taken away from me.

There is something here that I have to stay devoted to maintaining. This is the one thing that I have that is mostly me. There’s a percentage of wordpress, firefox and netzero having to stay in business to keep this going, but I have my uploaded drafts on my computer.

The legacy you leave is something I think has been put aside for instant updating. It’s why it bothers me that photo albums have turned into social media albums. I put 10 years into myspace for better or worse. I cut back drastically on face book for that reason, as well as the big brother tactics of every word typed used as marketing statistics.

It’s why I prefer to burn my audio cds (to back up/ mix I bought), even though they made vinyl a thing of the past. Mini compact discs are where I draw the line on technology. Paying to download a stream of mp3 doesn’t have the same satisfaction of buying a cd to hold in my hands, look at the cover art of or read the liner notes, even when the info is online somewhere. See the movie I Need That Record or even High Fidelity to get why the music store employee is the unsung hero of small American business retail.

Same for theater movies. There are movies I see in the theaters, a rep theater. Even though it may be a matinee, there are some I deem worthy of seeing in a theater when I hear incredible things about, like the Artist or Tree of Life. When top mainstream reviewers (you’ve heard of) say things like “I haven’t seen anything like this is years” it’s worthy for me to shell out $15 to see it on the bog screen. And I mean in a vintage theater, not the strip mall with the movie screen as big as a couple of garage doors.

I am writing chapters for a book, about of course my favorite topic. It’s taken on many formats, but the heart or the meat of the chapters remain the same. I actually just started the ball rolling writing about the middle chapters. The first couple needs to set things up and the last couple have to resolve a certain percentage of things, I believe. I fuckin HATE those movies that wrap every single god damn thing up. It’s just bullshit that every character cums a little in that last 10 minutes of the movie. Whenever you gamble or play some sort of game, there is only 1 winner. The rest statistically have to lose their share to compose the pot won. And there are different degrees of losing, too, not just won/ lost the big game. Other unexpected side perks may happen, at least. And losers have to react accordingly, some in anger, some in frustration, others expected it. Some swear “we’ll get ’em next time!”

My mind races so fast, I mentally compose a dozen blog entries in an afternoon. Chances are I’ll write a list of topic key words if I’m inclined to. Usually I’ll get down to writing about 10 of those in a blog, if I can lump them into a theme of some sort. Sometimes I go red-eye of thought when I think there are a lot of topics that aren‘t related I have to get some thoughts out about.

Part of why is tvtropes.org. Part of learning how to write has more to it than grammar and syntax. Although those are necessary starting points. It’s sad to see book reviews on amazon when the book doesn’t appear to have a copy editor. There are plot flows and setups. I time travel a LOT in my mind which is why I need to write my lists down. If I start thinking in circles, the notes help me get my bearings. I admittedly need to organize them more, so I limited them to a few media.

Tvtropes answers a lot of questions psychology books haven’t answered for me. We have problems that gridlock us, but if they were in a film, they’re ridiculously easy to resolve, right? It’s also why I write. When I write I’ve gone thru the trials and I have a current subset of “answers,” or so it may seem until I actually see them in writing. You can read a lot about training a cat, but it won’t mean a thing until you’re actually trying to get it to do something.

I read a lot about setups to clichés, but then how to turn them on their asses, as a few movies/ shows do, like Community. #sixseasonsandamovie. What differentiates a protagonist, an antagonist, versus an asshole mentor. Or a side kick? Every show/ film has the equally balanced group of friends, racially, age-wise, job status, social status, etc. so they eventually deal with all of the conflicts that could potentially happen. Fauxality shows are based on getting a group of odd people and throwing them into areas where regular people are. And agitate.

I have so many notes to go thru, I need to hone my writing into some of the things I like that I’ve been reading and audio auto biography cds I’ve listened to from the library.

Looking for a job is a chore. Writing is my only real job, where I‘m the boss. And I have to put time into it for you, my readers.

2012/06/12 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summer lovin, but I don’t mean the rapey song

Open season blog, summerdate 66409.58

This summer is going to be a little different from last. I’m already seeing things I can’t participate in for a second year because, yes I still don’t have “extra” money. Last year I made an unspoken promise that things wouldn‘t be like this now. Financially, I’m slightly better but not enough to dump a couple of weeks worth of grocery money in a day.

Basically, I’m sick of being nice to unresponsive store and restaurant managers and getting nothing in return. It’s maddening and yet something society, my mother and my past voice plays in an endless loop that I have to do, right up there with the definition of insanity (doing something over and over again expecting a different result).

May hit me with a lot of season/ series tv show enders. I didn’t see many, erratic network tv reception is a curse but largely a blessing. I read about a lot of them. It made me think of my favorite season cliffhangers and the top series enders, ones that got their proper ending and far more that got cancelled or even a bum rush ending. If you thought of many in this paragraph, please note them as I try to figure out how to change my blog so anyone can note (without a login).

The straw that broke my back was the last weekly, the summer events guide. This summer like last promises a lot of free concerts, community events, fairs, conventions that have already been steady since winter weather petered out. I did go to a lot of free things last summer and then I stopped going, which was a mistake. I guilt-ed myself when I saw everyone spend a lot at each or bring all their “upper status” things to wave in everyone’s face. I mistakenly allowed materialism from the Joneses to gain the upper hand.

When I was in Vegas and had “baller money” I never waved it in someone else’s face when I could do something others couldn’t. I still did cheap things, I just got more mileage out it.

I’ve been studying early 20-somethings for the past couple of years. There’s an energy they have. There are beliefs they have, society is geared towards it. You learn and question everything in high school. If you can go to college, even a community one, you choose what you want to study, where you want to go in life. I admittedly am learning 2 decades too late that “going after my dreams” in film/ video entertainment was the wrong choice. The way the world operates is job security in knowing the legalities, finances and advertising savvy to run a business. I had my fun in my 20s and even 30s. and even all my savings & cashed out 401Ks didn’t last 2 years of looking for work.

Something weird happens in your 20’s, you’re groomed to go off into a career and then aside from a week off every year, who gives a shit, life doesn’t change until you turn 65 and theoretically retire. For awhile, it used to be a retirement having to work as a greeter at Helmart and even that is decimating before us first wave of post baby boomers will get to that age since that generation will rape social security and every other retirement option dry since they already “borrowed” from those budgets.

Early 20’s is “let’s go on trips and see what’s out there before we become stuck in careers and kids for the rest of our lives.” I try to look at my unemployment as a chance to get this energy back. I have a “half time” break where I can think about what to do with the rest of my life with a fresher start that early 20 year olds never comprehend. For a lot of them, it’s balls out, kids that have it tougher live like they don’t even expect to make it past 30, which is also why car insurance is jacked up for that age and why most pregnancies and STDs happen in those “fuck the condom” years.

I literally lived where people “bet it all,” for a decade. The odds catch up, the house always wins in the long run. Living there I knew this and instead of investing in the companies (which may have actually been a good call in retrospect), I put my money on the felt and the penny slots for the free beer like everyone else that lives there. Live for today, fuck around with your friends.

This summer I need to break the monotony. And if I volunteer for some of the community events, it’s another chance for me to “network,” although I have no intention of doing so. I want to have a modicum of fun while I’m doing something where I’m also learning and can be productive. If you believe in movie/ tv logic, in the zen I’d eventually get a job offer. I just know I need to break out of my own mental poverty walls on a regular basis. I spent another winter cooped up in this mofuggin condo trying to sell shit on amazon to stay afloat.

2012/05/29 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , | Leave a comment

Summer hiatus of 2012?

Explorer’s blog, itinerary date 66398.66

Remember last time when I said I’d write about organization? I lied.

Screw that, it seems to be a common sense on how to clean an area out or organize time. Actually, the topic I’m hard shifting to is related to this, so I guess it turns out you’ll get the practical flowchart example.

What got the ball rolling were all the season/ series enders on tv in May. Honestly, I read about most, saw a couple and 1 I don’t even understand why, other than I got reception on my tv for it (Desperate yentas). No matter how cliché those can get, it still made me think of the big changes I could do this summer aside from the same old 1 that’s worn my brain and spirit down to a raw little jagged blister that used to be where I kept hope and faith.

I got the weekly and it has a guide for things to do this summer. It actually made me happy for a bit, with the promise of free/ cheap things to do. I’ve often been pissed off where I live. It’s the 3rd largest city in California (population wise), but culturally, it drags down to the high 20s.

I’m so tired of fighting the fight for a paycheck, I need to do something that’s just fun. I always guilt myself for every time I catch myself sitting around doing nothing. I at least have to read something (educational), watch tv or you tube that I can learn business from, develop searching skills, etc.

Wherever I go apply in the weekday, I see the elderly out and at times on the way home. There’s also that at risk time for kids between 3-6 PM where they’re out in hoards, bored with no money. I observe (or remember) what these 2 groups do with their time. I’m in my early 40’s, I can’t sit out in front of the 7-11. I have to look busy, people between teens and seniors get targeted the most for loitering. If we’re not buying anything, we’re a trespassing risk more noticeable than blending into a casino with a few hundred people who are really also not doing much all dressed up. We’re the fuckups that don’t have an excuse to be wandering around on a weekday.

So, like most planning, it’s good to have all the information in front of you: the guide, the stack of pamphlets, articles, etc. And then you have your blank piece of paper or whatever media you brainstorm on. Some people have a sketchbook, I have my blank notebooks/ journals, etc. I don’t think it’s a good idea to put notes on an iphone, but people peck at those a word at a time somehow.

There are tons of things I/ we want to do, but in brainstorming you list it all out. But I streamline it a little. I have to mentally hack out the things that are too far away (by public transportation more than an hour away). I have to take into consideration that things have to basically be free, but you can plan what your budget’s going to be like.

For those of you that think Coachella is worth the price of a ticket, gas, parking possibly hotel room, you schedule out the bands you want to see the most and the logistics of getting to the stages where there are drunk, high people all over the place including you. You breakdown what is actually practical, like picking 6 major moves in the day.

What I then do is prioritize. Without money, I’m basically want to do 3 things this summer, 1 per month. I’m considering volunteering for the city/ county. There are a lot of community events where they have a tent and someone handing out fliers/ pamphlets. I know someone involved I met, so I may hit her up soon. There’s free outdoor movies where I saw Viva Las Vegas last summer, Blues Brothers, etc. they pick fun movies and you bring your chairs and snacks out, you can buy beer, etc. They have security.

Concerts in the park suffered and it turns out last summer I went to the last shows. Security issues with rowdy people and transients wandering in hearing the music “encroaching on their turf.” so this summer they’re announcing concerts at small venues around town, each in their own controlled environment.

I know it pales compared to all the things to do in Vegas. That’s my other summer plan. I thought about taking a summer hiatus off twitter, most likely limit my time to a short session at night. But I failed at that before. I need to keep up on my weekly promise to blog here even though I mistake of seeing the vast void of the visit count.

My plan is to try to enjoy my life here and how. I have done this “settling” in the past and it has kept me here longer. But I’ve been here for 2 years without a paycheck. I’m stuck here. Vegas is fading more than I want it to as an extended vacation. When I was writing about letting things go, I may have to let Vegas go in my mind, stop mentioning it. Back burner it until I have 1) my credit card paid off (from “that job”) and money in savings before I can get back to thinking about it again, so my plans don’t seem so beyond my reach.

2012/05/25 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Let it go

Writer’s blog, starting date 66371.12,
finished and uploaded 66379.58
(wow, doesn’t seem so bad on a metric calendar)

Sorry, took a little break here to deal with some things. It affected my ability to write in a “good mood.”

It’s tough to know what to let go and what to hang onto. It’s a very large neutral zone between driven goal achievers and obsessive creeper. It’s like rom-coms and love songs. They’re romantic if the couple want each other and if not, it’s bring out the personal defense weapons scary. Some romantic songs are really stalkerish and mentally manipulative when you see just the lyrics.

The problem is that I’ve hoarded things most of my life, I want to save memories of the good times. Or I take all the free usable shit I think I can resell later. Or I buy shit at closing sales and swap meets when it’s in excellent condition at a 10th of what value I’ve seen it go for elsewhere. There are phases I’ve gone thru when I bought a lot of shit, really and now I’m trying 4-5 major ways to sell things w/ my limitations to get the most I can for these things. And I don’t think I have high standards, I want to break even, ideally, or at least get half down to 40%, thinking that’s the value I “rented” at that I’d accept.

I’ve seen some hoarder segments on you tube since I don’t have cable. I’d probably watch both hoarding shows if I had cable. My home never got that bad, piling on everything til it looks like Joe Franklin’s office. I had everything in boxes, mostly from that couple of years where I moved a whopping 3 times. I had things scattered in different places around Vegas. And a couple of years ago when I finally got everything back that I was going to, I had a lot of duplicate things I bought when I couldn’t find what box something was in. I was a box hoarder, I don’t know what term they have for it.

Looking back, I realized everyone in my family has a HUGE collection of some sort. They were raised by my Grandfather who was already poor to start with, working menial jobs around the bay area, let alone raising 4 kids by himself. Did they all become obsessed with possessions to make up for childhood? How did it wear off on me when I was raised to want for nothing.

But what I saw it as was well decorated isolation, if you think prison is too dramatic a word to use. I’m in this condo for a 3rd time in my life trying to get out permanently again. It’s a recurring problem in my life that I also have on the back burner til the money comes in. It’s why I hate that Marty is stuck fixing Hill Valley. It’s why I hate that George Bailey is still stuck in Bedford Falls- where Potter stole (kept) $8k Scott free. It’s why I was ultimately unsatisfied that Dante and Randal bought the Quick Stop. I’d rather be in a smaller fish swimming in a larger lake when it comes to the world.

There are goals I have to be “realistic” about. It’s tough to know what goals are the “best for me,” versus what is a pipe dream “beyond possible.” And I’m tough to shoot down bumper sticker affirmations. Anyone who says “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” obviously hasn’t been to a convalescent home. All the people who believe “you can do anything” can’t explain to me why they aren’t flying around like Superman or have a million dollars or a pussy (or cock) avalanche.

For now, I have to let go of “lofty” goals. I have dreams above what I’ve maintained before. I can remember when I was at the best paying job with the best perks, the best transportation, the best living situation and the best social situation. I have a list of jobs I apply for. I have started from the top of my priority list, but I have even let that go if a shitty job is closer to apply to. I’ve been out of work for a long time, I need to just get a paycheck even if the work does crush my soul. Even if it won’t look good on my “body of work.”

It’s hard for me to let go of the past, but I’m working on that, also. It’s one of the few things that gives me comfort because I can remember good things back there. Things are tough now and I constantly search for reliable financial stability in the future which hasn’t panned out for almost 2 years now. I allot time for the past, so I don’t get lost in it. I work on ways to “enjoy” the present that if anything, also has to be job searching research. I poke in the past for writing research, also.

It’s taken me almost 2 weeks to complete this blog. Part of which was delaying it more mentally debating if it was the topic or my ability to write that blocked me. There were probably several things I had to mentally let go just to finish this & get it done so I could go on to the next topic for blogging.

I suppose that should be about organization next, huh?

2012/05/18 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment