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Restless For My Favorite Fall Month

Just got up from a dream, it was wonderful. I was star struck with a group of my favorite people. I know thru several writing books you don’t start a story with a dream. 😛

I’ve been antsy all weekend. I know the general why, but I write lists anyway to purge and look for anything in a list that could be a clue to be deciphered.

My goal this summer was to basically go out and live, which doesn’t mean piss money away getting drunk. I enjoyed food, I wanted to do more fulfilling things. Social causes that don’t turn into self-promotion.

I’ve been a fan of a lot of things and followed a lot of groups and events. Admiration for a group is odd. I have been to things like derby or cosplay convention and felt there’s not much I felt I could contribute to it.

At the risk of being a townie, one of the inspirational places is my local State college. 20 somethings learn about the world, participate more in activism before a job, spouse or children become excuses to not get involved in steering the battleship of history with one paddle.

I have an energy that most people my age don’t have. I’ve been unemployed and had a bit of a glimpse of what retired life is, all the time and not much money. I see other people in the grind, I see the distractions in the form of various screens, “dumb entertainment” to pacify them. Too “tired” to save the next generation of kids or the planet for that matter.

Summer is ending, am I restless because the kiddies are in school and I can go out on a weekday? Nope, I usually can, I’ve noticed the past few years the streets aren’t filled with kids playing anymore. Even if parents aren’t worried about abduction, video games have become the new television to keep kids occupied at home. Millennials don’t even want to get their licenses or move out anymore.

This summer, I’ve had some opportunities I’ve been working for towards longer goals. I’ve been hesitant to jump as I have failed this life’s biggest ambition twice before. I don’t want to leave space dock until I have what I’m satisfied is a “guarantee” that I can punch a clock again in a job where I don’t simmer in my own stifled frustration.

I could be restless, giving up my end of summer plans because Halloween my mother of all holidays is looming. It’s my x-mas, I search for my meaning of it, the best way I can celebrate it the whole month. There’s not pressure, but responsibility to make sure it’s great and not wasted because after it, x-mas is a long, dark corridor I feel like is the longest 5 months to new years.

For the past few years, I’ve been playing Fuck Marry Kill with 3 cities that I want to be my next home. But that’s a whole other topic. One of them is a city I got to have an affair with that I eventually wanted to marry, but the nation decided that banks and military were the priority and millions of other citizens were left behind.

2014/08/25 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | Leave a comment

Worth a Greyhound, or I ain’t gettin on no plane!

I spent a long time mentally debating to what degrees or categories people do things they wouldn’t do “at home,” as I found myself fall for certain things. I have talked to people for years about this exchanging an admitted mistake per. I was hoping things would be competitive, not a sweep.

Historically, I seem to be able to go to Santa Cruz and San Francisco for the most part without runaway incident. However, I did make some glaring regrets without doing things in Santa Rosa, Lake Shasta and Squaw Valley. trips to l.a. depended largely why I went and who with. I wasn’t likely to do anything off the rails on a theme park trip, but I went “to the eye of the hurricane” when I went to club, dance or strip clubs. And the few times I’ve flown, I managed to get really hammered waiting for the plane.

I managed to even pinpoint the first calculated risks I took on a trip “for the story.” It was Chico, a town so small, it was only known for a mall, tubing the river and having sex with sororities. Go Sigma Alpha rush week, oofah.

This topic avalanched in my head when I found myself last weekend wondering what the hell happened to Motel 6 and how cool all the renovations are. I looked online and now they all supposedly look like a retro 60’s tomorrow projection bachelor happening pad. I managed to make a sensible decision and still- there are a lot of women authors that talk about traveling and having “love affairs” and even a series of one nighters. These books also make the top of chick lit charts, if not have bad lifetime type movies made about them. So I can be empowered by my adulty adventures too!

2014/07/30 Posted by | Single malts | Leave a comment

Busy is bullshit

There was a time when someone said “I’m busy” I’d start to ask them about their schedule and they’d get evasive about it. The point of debate by definition is time they have to do the thing they’re making excuses not to do.

I could go on for a page about this, but the point is, I usually find out “busy” means someone went home and marathon-ed a tv show or dicked around online the night the thing was going on.

When someone is “busy” I have since learned to not whine, debate or try to convince them why this thing is great to go to. There have been times I found out they saw the movie or tried the restaurant or did the thing later, anyway. So I have stopped asking people to places, mostly just events that have a limited window if not night. We all know you have that night off and we all know you have the money to go out, from the little things you buy that are so cool.

So, me not writing in this is also bullshit for the same reasons. I haven’t been “busy,” there have been down times.

I have been making some money doing small jobs or projects for people, enough to pay off my credit card again with a vow to not blow it all again in a few days.

I have been doing a lot more getting out to not stay in the condo which has always been some mental self-defeating area. The internet does that, too. Research for a project seems to turn into how someone failed at it and quit or did much better at it because of their connections, their area and even the people in their area that I have admired from afar in doing such similar projects.

And it’s almost too much to continue since this place is a huge ironic ghost town of internet trends. This is the heart of silicon valley and I spend a majority of my weeks looking for small groups of collaborators that do similar things I’m interested in doing (that also make money) like they do in southern California. Of course everyone is at home watching a screen instead of out in the real world where I’m trying to network. Funny, I also couldn’t find any local go getters in some online community, either. I’ve searched for as many years. the big glaring exception is the Maker faire I went to! That’s a whole other blog(s) I’ll def. write.

I have also been trying to spend less time online. So I have to reallocate my time in reverse and start with writing sites and less on the passive, watch the update wall scroll with the irritating news mixed with pics to calm me down, which usually consist of pin-up girls or baby animals. Occasionally vintage cars.

I have to structure my blogs more, so I’ll end this with a teaser. I thought I’d hit Santa Cruz the first day it breaks 100 degrees in the valley. I may lower that number just so I can get over there. 95? 90? I want a beach day, but I also want to continue my downtown adventures. I used to be all over that area with my cousins when I was over there for spring break when I was little. It’s a tradition that I considered doing this spring break.

But I was busy, coordinating a wedding.

2014/06/17 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | Leave a comment

Hand me new beers, everyone

New Year’s blog, resolution date 140130:21

Daemn! One of my resolutions was to blog more, but January was a busy month trying to finish loose ends and make plans for the month/ season/ year. I didn’t even get to write about what I accomplished in 2013- and it was a lot! And it was a year that was actually difficult for me to let go because I got back into my stride on living life.

So much has been going on, I’m going to split off to what may be a minor tangent or an indefinite recurring theme. I have been comparing music/ songs/ albums to movies a lot lately.

A movie can be dated, get stale, get old, even it’s period-ness can be cringe worthy.

But music, it IS the same thing each time you hear it, but people hear one song thousands of times in their life and even develop an aversion to listening to a live version of it with the frailty of original band members.

I have been watching so many movies, I want to trade something for an elliptical to replace my bike ride exercise. I happen to live in a high bicycle accident and theft area. I never want to lock my bike up anywhere and I drive on the sidewalk. I’d rather deal with pedestrians bitching than cars barreling towards me.

Over and over, I read about how the millenials have little if at all any ambition to get a drivers’ license or a vehicle. I think cell phones ruined that. Why buy an expensive car when someone checking a text can plow into it at any moment? It’s why I hope we NEVER have flying cars. People are not ready for it. Imagine drunk driver plowing their hover car into the roof of your house!

In December, I rented kid’s movies and I continued that thru January. It doesn’t help to try to cut back on dvd checkouts when the library got their January budget and now I have rented many, many kids films that don’t have any scratches on them. Kid’s films have been traditionally the most abused discs. I spend more time repairing and cleaning them so they don’t mess up my player.

It seems to me that I like movies previous to this era in what I can only describe as Pre 9/11 Clinton era. Film makers had a different tone before all the terrorism darkness themes. Movies weren’t overdone with cgi. Action scenes weren’t so fast and farfetched that they lost my interest within the length of a commercial.

Also, I have been watching more animal documentaries. Even though they fall to the reality show syndrome of engineered plot lines, I still watch them. There’s a lot to learn from animals, from their family units, to their “tribes,” as well as their hunter/ prey relationship with other species. It shows me how people are different or in ways corrupted. At least humans for the most part don’t eat their young.

For Feb, I want to watch a lot of chick flicks, from rom coms to princesses, to action girl films. All of them. I imagine I will groan a lot, see all the bad messages I’ve read about princesses.

I allowed myself to have a library vice, but I got my first warning I’ve been over doing it by the only thing that can: the library computer that says I maxed out my allotment of checkouts.

2014/01/30 Posted by | Single malts | Leave a comment

Comedy Podcast Therapy

podcast blog, stream date: 131209:20

Maybe last year, I dabbled in podcasts from comedians I enjoy (and in one case I actually didn’t). Keep your enemies closer, that bothered me. Some days I have to analyze them, try to figure out what’s going on. If I do that, the realization becomes I’m obsessing on them, so I cut ties. And then I question my behavior because I quit. I hate when people quit over something as lame as a disagreement. Aren’t there married couples with opposite political beliefs? How do they do that?

So each podcast I listened to had a guest that led to another. The obvious barometer could be do they have cool guests? Yeah, I listened to those. But then after a few, I pick an episode where they don’t have guests or in some cases even a co-host (if they have one). Could they carry the ball on their own?

I have over 30 pod casts, probably approaching 40 that I’m listening to. It’s clearly the talk show format that tv and terrestrial radio failed to give us. Commercials are like stds and I don’t want to get infected by a lot of those big retailers. Podcasts if they have ads, venture into online ads, the “new frontier.”

Online businesses that don’t have brick and mortar and don’t at least appear to be outsourced outside US are still a big mystical quality to them. And yet these magical online businesses also contribute to massive unemployment in the US. Production is automated or outsourced to sweatshops that don‘t have unions to protect minors/ employees rights. Technology IS replacing the American worker.

Books have become the education I can afford. The vocational classes I want to take cost $hundreds, while their books I could still check out or buy at a fraction. I just don’t get the degree. But all those people with degrees working fast food and retail aren’t much of an incentive, either.

The more pod casts I listen to, the more I hear that people “in the business” had parents that were in it. They took their kid to work one day and they were caught in the spell. Comedians seem to come from a few places and honestly, I’m reasonably past the point to be in a male a capella group in NYU.

Celebrities always talk about how lucky they were to get that first big break. But they lived in l.a., where agents and bookers hang out at comedy clubs on their night off. Every child that makes the news because they did some incredible thing had parents that put them in a certain school, or contacted make a wish whose business it was to call around to broker people looking for charitable publicity.

I always look for those that haven’t gotten their break yet and have plucked away at their trade for over a decade. When I hear about someone who finally made it, I can believe. Those fictional sports movies/ shows are such bullshit to me. It’s fake, they didn’t win anything!? The script said so, of course they were confident, there were no actual stakes!? Even if it’s a recreation the actors are too pompous. Each minute on the field, it’s adrenaline. You never know if you make those last critical points. You can make the best shot and still lose the big game and all your support groups disappear after that.

Podcasts let me know people are still plucking away out there. Many celebs wind up talking about what they talk about with therapists. With the guest and the host trying to figure out what those dry spell problems are, what they mean.. Hey, free therapy for me as I ask the same questions.


2013/12/09 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Here and Now

philosopher’s blog, perspective date 131022:11

Yesterday I went to a thrift store, or as I call it the living museum of failed and broken consumer technologies. Levels below antique stores and convention booth hierarchies. I’ve had many visions awake and dreaming of using my next van to be one of those vendor circuit guys, looking for a cute to be my vendor booth babe.

The merch (and the dated store music) triggers all kinds of lost memories when you see something you haven’t seen since you were little. I’ve had to dig a lot of piles of mental dirt to look back on the jobs I’ve had, to analyze experience and also learn from when I’ve failed. I take the good and bad and use it in my notes to list my body of experience or to look for drama “write what you know,” as I try to figure out life’s experiences for my writing projects.

It’s strange that we’re closer to “retirement” age closer than our first jobs. There are people who don’t need to retire because they managed to make a living off their hobbies, what they love. With my life, I’m still looking at least 3 more businesses to join and leave or watch close. I’ve been told my birthsign is the detective and director, who not only has to figure out the main character, but all the other characters, places and objects on the board, where they came from and where they’re going.

Zen, everything branching from here, now, to the past and future. To worry over, or to be enjoyed and planned like a vacation.

2013/10/22 Posted by | Single malts | , | Leave a comment

What are some good scary DVD rents for October?

Gotta admit, I’m a huge fan of (ye olde mail in) netflix! I want to support the USPS from being shut down by a certain political party who only wants to raid their 70+ year pension fund requirement after it fails from such impossible business model.

I was raised during the era of comic book mail ins, I fell for and to this day still satisfied at all the little toys I got in the mail for under $5. Who doesn’t love getting something in the mail, even if- especially if it’s a card with actual hand written sentiments? Not talking about batch texted, “merry xmas day everyone!” (didn‘t get you anything).

So I mastered a 3 day plan, theoretically if I mail a movie back every day, I should always be receiving a movie 6/ 5 (on 3 day weekends like this) days each week.

I decided to have my 3rd Scary movie Rocktober. One year, I made the mistake of thinking it would be fun to rent documentaries and was actually horrified that rivaled my final cable binge the week after 9/11. Some of you know this, so bad I haven’t had cable since.

The second year, I decided to see movies I call “red corn syrup” films, hokey and knowingly fake so I could enjoy it. I had to avenge that horrible industry/ political docu year. It did make me more aware and a physically present activist, but whew. I focused on classical movie series like Chucky and got to appreciate not only Freddy, but the messages of those that fought the evil, good and bad. Even the bad movie had redeeming qualities, like inform other kids how to deal with, and organize with others to combat the fears (Jason) presented. More importantly, how to exploit the weaknesses of predators, even though you’re scared shitless at the time. Freddie, like Dr. Cox in Scrubs has a reputation of being an asshole, but they’re actually teaching a lot of resilience and facing different levels of cowardice and avoidance.

So this year, I have rented a bunch of movies/ shows that have been awesome so far. I know awesome gets overused, but it’s tough to find a new word/ phrase that society doesn’t whore out until it means nothing. “Feel good!” “amaze balls!” “A love letter to….!” “coming of age!”

With a choice of 2 odd families, I passed Munsters for The Addams Family. I loved the reboot movies, although the rap element was on the dark side of hokey, which is odd in a supposed twisted movie to that bent. Cant’ beat the original? Is it a victim of http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SeinfeldIsUnfunny ? It had a case of “it’ll warp society!” And now, it’s completely tame and may even be relegated to quirky in today’s standards.

Creepshow series! I LOVE this, I’m on disk 2 right now. Everyone from the early 90’s is in this and also, how the hell did I not know anyone with HBO in the 90’s to be exposed to this?! And apparently on myspace, it was before the netflix binge watching era where everyone recommends a dozen different series “you should see.” Again, I’m hoping some pre 9/11 movies make a comeback before all this dark anti-here dad/ entitled socialite crap. The bad guys were as homicidal, but their trendy wardrobe at least makes them hilarious (blonde afro Mohawk!?)

Monster Squad! I loved this, another example of movie/ series released just in the last 5 years that I hope get popular, beating current popular trends.

New Scooby doo! First of all, best cartoon in the category of youngn’s exposing greedy old guys who control people with fear to profit from them. Wish they would go to congress, amirite people? Well this incarnation is aware of it’s own tropes, has more suspects and red herrings and is actually difficult for even us old folk to figure out. Although, I have seen a couple fo random elements you couldn’t even guess (I.e. pictures being developed and only revealed when the baddie is revealed). and apparently there’s a series arc that addresses actual problems with local economy?!  from all the people around town they exposed. Deep.

Walking dead & Grimm. I saw a whole season of each of these (random library season rental). With walking dead, I need to go back and see season 1, so it’s like a prequel to me. I got into both and decided to pick this month to get caught up. With walking dead, I think a nihilistic side of me likes the elimination round of characters that apparently can’t be brought back after they’re killed. New info flashbacks are okay, but certainly now meeting someone new that is a RINGER for them! That’s bullshit.

And there are others, I’ve already gone on. What good Halloween movie (series) and tv shows are good to see?


2013/10/12 Posted by | MOVIE SIGN! | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Airborne Turkey Day

Trainer’s blog, reserve date: 131011:16

I had a dream that I went to Bonnie springs and they needed help.

I actually wanted to apply there before and went as far as to talk to employees there and the woman at the hotel “in the real“. They do have arrangements. It was definitely a fantasy place, even when it gets frosty in the winter. I could imagine bringing pig cloth or hay out to help keep the animals keep warm over winter. I even worry about them not being there when I read reports online about winter in the Red Rock valley.

They hired me and apparently I had specialized in this at some point, working with animals before.

Cue the montage where I’m teaching turkeys how to fly. Last time I was there, they had 2 turkeys they were taking care of. They were somewhat domesticated and allowed me to approach, feed and pet them.

In my dream I was trying to get them to exercise their wingspan by acting out opening my wings: a cape. Kinda sit com-my, but it was serious in the dream. Then I brought all kinds of flying birds near them to demonstrate, like pigeons. I held them as they expanded their wings.

Cut to me trying to get a hawk to cooperate and it didn’t go so well. I think Hutton did a better job hosting falcons.

I wasn’t trying to teach them to fly right off, I was trying to get them to exercise their wingspan and flap their wings to build up muscle thru exercise. I couldn’t really chase them, but I did have to figure out how to get them running and flapping on their own volition. It did involve removing all their food containers and instead stringing a large plastic open container and dragging it filled with food for them to “pursue.”

I knew I was making progress when they were drinking more water. I joined them with my cup of water and I imagined we were sitting around like an office coffee break, looking around, breathing reflectively.

Should I say spoilers? It’s not that I got turkeys to fly, but they did get leaner, stronger and any time someone walked by with an ax, they were able to properly defend themselves.

And then Bonnie herself, in her walker, led me over to another area where they got some new residents from the recently closed Vegas Zoo: Ostriches. (I don’t know if the ostriches happened in real life, but the Zoo was closed.)

When I woke up, I thought this was a dream about thanksgiving coming up. Over the past few years I have decided that Columbus day would be indigenous Veterans day, or Native American reparations day, where I go some place to enjoy fry bread, and debate whether or not to include endangered buffalo meat dish. I’d probably sub plain ol’ popcorn.


As I typed this, I’m realizing what else it could mean. And that it came from my own mind is a definite kick in the pants that I have to use.

Every Thanksgiving, I want to not eat Turkey. But I have volunteered at kitchens and of course it’s the main attraction of the day, it seems like an insult to not eat the main course that mothers/ parents have waited in line to feed their kids. If I didn’t volunteer, I wouldn’t eat turkey. I even gave up my favorite turkey bacon when I limited meat on my diet. It was easier after reading about the usda articles.



2013/10/11 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Ending (if you want Spoilers)

Last blogs, Finale date 201308:19

I think since the Battlestar Galactica reboot, I purposely won’t get involved in a tv series until it’s over.

For some reason, now that everyone is getting all trope savy, we all want to know about that Finale. Will a new show even make it to the end of a planned season? Theoretically the end of the 4th season is the “100 hour” mark. Once it makes it to syndication, how is the series going? Is it deep into the season’s drama? Did they develop a good Big Bad for the season or better yet series?

It’s so tough to get a movie made with all the development hell steps, the worst thing a movie could do is blow it in those last 10 minutes. You can’t even get a sequel to make up for it if it doesn’t generate enough interest (income) to make one.

People can get hooked on the BEST series and then it’s ruined with the series finale. While were sucking Lost’s cock and critics were circle jerking around it, I kept remembering Battlestar and waiting…. And every time I hear about all the other anti- hero dad tv series, I think the same thing.

People weren’t even satisfied at the draw your own conclusion ending with Soprano’s. I read about viewers theories and apparently the foreshadowing came to the same conclusion real life did. There can be no Soprano’s reunion where Tony lives.

Also, all these dark series have taken their toll on me, albeit slower than “reality” tv did. That happened to me around the 4th season of Real World.

I can’t avoid all the tweets and articles about Breaking Bad. Is there any way the series could end that would satisfy half the viewers? The whole point is to watch the Big Main spiral into hell. What happens if they don’t do that? Or they attempt to “redeem him the right way?“ Remember the Shield?

It’s why I had to watch Harry Potters and I will have to rewatch them. That series just got better, even though 1) we know the ending (the “chosen one” vs. any evil?) and 2) it’s a collection of every English fantasy fiction trope as well as acting pool for the past 40 years. But, it maintained a quality and went out big and I have to study the success, from the first book to the last.

Harry Potter is apparently the big fluke because Rowling wasn’t known for much more (public media-wise) before that. So every time I look at a series everyone loves, I spend more time reading about what the creator has done before.

Game of thrones “guy” was known for writing before and people can look at his earlier work to try to gauge the quality of it now. And that leads to questioning if his writing (endings) have improved, or is he still trying to beat the dead horses of his earlier stuff? You know, like how a band comes out with a new album but all the songs are still the same? Do people even listen to a whole “album” anymore? At least we’re aware that many characters (that people got interested in) are going to die in the series, since there are cast of thousands.

It seems like a big deal is to have a cast of thousands, too. Simpson’s Springfield, Lost. It’s not enough to follow a dozen people on a show for some reason. A show has to have an expanded universe as big as Star Wars by the end of the first season. And yet, if the focus is shifted so much off the main characters, what the hell are people watching then?

I admit I read spoiler endings, now. It’s not to answer the big questions, it’s so I can see if those are the lessons/ answers I want or need to learn..

2013/08/11 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Who are the People in Your Neighborhood?

Resident’s blog, people watching date 130802:10

Hot woman on beach cruiser: She has black hair, often braided or pony tailed and wears black jeans. It was magical the 2 times I was also biking and we got to riff at an intersection waiting for the light to change. She’s kinda punk in a way that doesn’t want to be associated with mall punk. What makes her hot? She smokes as she pedals around the area.

Postal carrier: this rotates, but they make the same mistake somehow. I’ve gotten mail from my neighbors, so how much of mine is getting misplaced and not returned? You do NOT fuck with my Netflix! Even I know how the apartments are arranged in the mail caddy, it’s not difficult. Mail has reduced since the internet and I imagine they get bigger routes. Still, I put a post it note with my name and address inside his access side. So on days I can catch him (no women), I can return my neighbor’s mail and comment about my clear, identifying note.

Guy with broom. There’s a major intersection between the strip mall and big mall and there’s a guy that sweeps the piles of dirt that accumulates by the islands of the intersection. First I thought he was come kind of custodian for the strip mall, but he has no uniform and it’s a plastic house broom. If he’s looking for handouts, he doesn’t have a cup. I imagine he has OCD or some restless energy that brings him out. He doesn’t seem to put the dirt in some sort of bin, he’s left a few large piles of dirt after he’s done. Hm.

Pet walkers: My teeth are jacked up, I admit. A lot of people wonder why I’m serious or smirk. I don’t like smiling. One thing that gets me instantly smiling despite my self- consciousness are pets. I look down and smile at the doggie that’s being walked until I peripheral that the owner knows I’m cool with the animal kingdom.

Some people do it out of obligation, like they’re doing it to get out of the house of who “really” owns the dog? Tough, but felt that before. A lot are elderly who are also going for their walk, really. I’m good at saying “”hi/ hello” to people in passing, but they’re usually always first. I suppose little kids are too. Kids and elderly, they don’t have the superego shield the middle-aged have.

Garden neighbors. There are a few, they have elaborate plants in their small apartment yard. Some have garden decor, put up little fences or have a couple of iron chairs and a table. I like them all! I expect to see a little old woman out drinking tea. But one yard, there was a beer belly old guy drinking the appropriate beverage for said gut.

The part-time punk girl at the can bank: This woman had cool aqua blue straight neck length hair when I saw her. Last time I saw her, it kinda faded out, but I didn’t see anything that could be natural root color growing out. Or was it blonde? She walked her dog, wore a tight tee and jeans. I’m secretly jealous of people who alter their appearances to let you know that they have never worked in an office, retail or any business with a family friendly dress code. for whatever reason, you may be imagining a stocky butch chick and that’s this woman’s surprise. She’s kinda medium build and girly without being hammy or wannabe about her. If she orders a shot of bourbon at the bar she’d be at her most optimal.

This could very well be the first of an ongoing series. I’m practicing writing about some other neighbors at the moment, as well as past roommates *shudder*

2013/08/02 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , | Leave a comment