Unemploymentosphere

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Skip this, you’re likely to find something offensive.

Open mic blog, poetry date 130527:14

Whenever I think I may be doing something wrong or immoral,
Then I see the news and see many, many people injured/ arrested for doing illegal things.

Whenever I think I ask too many things,
Then I think of parents, bosses and teachers who never taught to question authority.

Whenever I think I explain myself too much,
Then I realize people are really upset by hearing their words fed back to them.

Whenever I think I feel hostile,
Then I see how someone ruined their day/ event by acting out on it.

Whenever I think I worry too much,
Then I listen to a pod cast with a celebrity I look up to and their worries.

Whenever I think I’m not doing enough to eat or live healthier,
Then I hear how others talk about how many times they’ve had to go to the doctor.

Whenever I think I’m not applying enough,
Then I look around and see how many others are not out during those 3 hours/ mon-thu.

Whenever I think I play mind games,
Then I think of the chess masters of this and how empty their lives are now.

Whenever I think I hear a commercial catchphrase too much,
Then I feel better about not being easily influenced to buy such inferior products.

Whenever I think I may not be patriotic enough,
Then I look at all the imported logo things people wear without even knowing why.

Whenever I hear people complaining about being single,
Then I realize how comfortable I am with myself.

Whenever I think there are going to be more emergency funding cut,
Then I see how natural disasters and crime waves hit those communities.

Whenever I think I want to have kids,
Then I see a food court or a report about earth’s resources depleting

Whenever I think I am too quiet or “bottle it in,”
Then I see someone else who does nothing but complain and spout made up lies out of desperation.

But then….

After there’s weather destruction on the news,
I see people volunteer to help strangers and I give blood

After I see funds disappear or are misappropriated in a charity,
I donate time instead of money and it turns out to be far more rewarding

After a parent yells or abuses their kid,
I know I already treat children better than they can (and I try to find some way for “a nearby official” to intervene)

After I see people camping overnight for a new electronic or movie,
I have more pride for those of us who protest and picket against greed and corruption

After I see kids in high school detecting and even curing cancers,
I have hope that kids are not home playing video games and wasting their lives away

After I see people trapped in a crowded living arrangement,
I don’t feel bad about being “alone.”

After I see employees not to anything to solve that recurring problem (“it‘s always been like that”),
I come up with more ways to solve my own problems one Last time.

After I see people hoard their “friends” on face book and cell phones,
I feel a lot better about my little list of closer friends I actually talk with/ spend time with every week.

After a friend takes offense after something I’ve said or done,
I’m glad to tell them I didn’t mean them, tell them who I did mean and sadly agree that they‘ll probably won’t admit what they did was wrong.

When I see people stand around doing nothing,
I will not (be made to) feel bad about speaking up or taking action against the problem.

After I see solar and recycling developments and policies forming,
I am happier that people are running out of excuses to not care about polluting the world.

After years of eating fast/ junk food,
I am happier to have a diet with less chemicals and preservatives and instead fresher “basics” than ever before.

After I hear people complaining about their spouses,
I realize how awesome my single adventures are.

After seeing spam and flame wars online,
I am relieved to see intelligent, logical, competent and sound contributions on the web.

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2013/05/27 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Resolutions on it’s ass

So, resolutions. For some reason a couple of days after x-mas to the end of January, people are happier, friendlier, starting up gym memberships and doing all kinds of things to try and redeem themselves.

There are a lot of things I want to do. Last year I listed most of them and kept it in an “action binder” that I refer to. I’ve been working on such a binder that kinda reminds me of the binders they used in Falcon and the Snowman for some reason. They are my codes.

If they are in this binder, they’re not in the pile of scrap papers I also have to go thru. I try to stop or dam of scrap papers and use, consolidate or eliminate then someday shred the discarded. I have written a bunch of things stored on computer, also. When I got a computer, it was supposed to be a big informational hub where I didn’t need to write things on papers and in blank notebooks and journals anymore. I actually did manage to get rid of what I remembered to be a laundry basket filled with pages of notes. It’s down to a good work boot sized shoe box I’d say. In a binder, they’d be readily available, not buried in a computer I’d have to turn on, find the file, open it up, etc.

There is a gauge, like on a dashboard that I imagine, with me my most productive at the far right. On the far left are the things I cannot do, I have to stop doing, I have to quit. And in the low middle is idle existence. It’s status quo. It’s also enabling, it’s the space that I curse for being gullible. It’s a gauge I try to organize and prioritize. Sometimes I push to the right to get bounced back to the left. Some days it’s maintaining a good rhytm in 4th gear. Sometimes I can’t get out of first and I try to force things. Sometimes I let things go and like a gas tank shit accumulates and escalates to the left until things are fucked and I have more to do to get me back on the positive side.

One of the things I wanted to do was maintain a blog again. I have written about how Myspace and facebook screwed me. How can I start up on another web page that I have to assume won’t be around in 10 years. Buying my own domain is right up there on the things to do when I get work, but I’ve been unemployed for 19 months, now. Even domain owners get bought out, changed or deleted. I honestly have to make plans on the assumption that I’m not just broke but actually poor, or my expectations build my frustration. Unemployment is being David Banner.

I’ve been reading Zen Buddhist books that tell me I have to be happy with who I am, where I am. It’s hard advice to take. I spent half my life trying to escape the bay area. I know people would love the tourist side of things and I am happy with a lot of political aspects, surprisingly, at least compared to most other states. But Vegas is place I was happiest, even without money.

I have a ton of resolutions I spouted on twitter, but when I look back at them it just looks like my weekly goals. It’s a lot about thinking I have to maintain. Happiness is always a puzzle to me. I think too many people overdo it, to be honest. People take drugs and it backfires on them. I look at people and all they do is entertain themselves all day, fun clothes, play games on their phone, see the fun movie, watch tons of tv. Nobody wants to work for anything. Everyone wants the cubicle and surround themselves with their cable and season tickets and lets have a kid, in the bay area anyway. It’s totally foreign to me. I don’t want to be a working stiff, but I want to be proud of making the money to get what I need and save.

I see certain areas of happiness as distractions. I feel like, I don’t know how to say it, vegetables. It’s what’s good, but most people think it’s boring and would rather eat society’s junk food. When I have no money, I get back to basics. In fact, I saw a book the other day on how Amish people have the most impressive self-sustaining habits as far as a group goes. No one wants to give up plugging into the network in silicon valley. I see it as a hive or cattle I have to smile and nod while I find the means to leave.

In 2012 I’ve had to do a lot of thinking about what would make me happy that doesn’t involve money, for now. I still have my “to buy” list from last year, I don’t think anything above groceries and cat food got done. I run out of things and eventually go without them.

My goal here is to write at least 52 essays, one a week. Most likely, this will be about my leftover thoughts, too big for twitter. Some may be about my work search. Some may appear random, but I outline a lot, so they lead to something.

2012/01/03 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , | Leave a comment

My trail on the interwebs

I feel kinda nervous starting another blog. Each site I devoted months and years on made the eventual big Change that pissed off all it’s users, drove them to other sites. In Myspace, it basically wiped out over 10 years of blogs (circa 1997-2008) and more important, comments that inspired me to write more and basically cheered me up a hell of a lot.

Facebook drew my interest for a couple of years (2008-2010-ish). When I joined people were complaining about a big change I missed. When I had to move away from Vegas and back to the bay area, I was honestly depressed and didn’t want to read about all the fun things I was missing and bragging that people do about how they’re in a better place in life. Facebook blogging paled in comparison to Myspace, they called it making a “note” and for some reason it only filled the middle third column of the screen that couldn’t be adjusted.

Google+ was something I didn’t even want to get involved in and it’s already tanking with issues from verification checks on your “real name.” They basically want your phone number, social, checking account numbers. My trust fell with all the big social network sites and even search engines. I wouldn’t have guessed that Big Brother came from social networking instead of government. But every word we type is accumulated market research to sell ads.

I have even started blogs on other sites, to have them not last more than a few entries. I want to feel the interaction w/ notes and comments I felt back on Myspace, less like I’m writing to a wall. It’s part of why I gave up on facebook, also. I had my friend list, but I ranted a lot with my unemployment. My support dwindled with my frustrations. My world was systematically collapsing and honestly I lashed out when my pleas for assistance were met with silence. I was always there for others.

I found yelp and that place was great for a couple of years, too. I helped me find new small businesses in Vegas. I tried keeping it up after I had to move back, but it became increasingly frustrating. My reviews of Vegas started getting out of touch. Things change fast over there, I felt like my reviews were obsolete. There was even a point where I was reviewing places as they closed down. That was a bummer, too. I may link that sometime. It’s should be easy to find if you want to search on your own for it, if not note me. I did a lot of first reviews.

It’s December, so everyone does a resolution thing. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I do have a goal here. I have written so much about Vegas that it leads my mind to other things. For some reason, I brainstorm an essay in my head, even if I’m waiting in line. I get the need to post it somewhere, to get it out of my head. Sometimes it’s tips, a lot of times it was ranting.

A page long essay every week is what I want to do, about things that wouldn’t go into the Vegas book I dream about writing. I have assembled a couple of binders of research and I have tons of printouts from when I was a concierge. I have 3 years of pamphlets and years of weeklies I basically hoarded. Those can get me thru these times so far away. I have to put them away sometimes when I get depressed and feel that I’m looking back more than forward about it. I eventually realize it’s both. I can’t go forward without remembering what I am capable of.

I want this to be a place of hope. I rant semi anonymously on twitter. I have noticed I’ve been un-followed by people I actually know. I don’t know where I can vent. In person, I’m actually friendly, pleasant and mostly listening to other people’s problems. When I go online and rant, people could think that that’s all I am and I understand that. Maybe I could take racquetball so I can slam a ball around.

Maybe next time I’ll write about what I’ve accomplished this year so you can get an idea of where my head has been the past couple of years.

2011/12/20 Posted by | History 101 | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

First!

This is a test

I have to learn how to work all the functions staring at me on the left column.

Once I get all competent on this, I’ll blow your Vegas blog hole wide open.

Add me if you blog from Vegas or are interested in reading about Vegas.

I’m on Twitter,

I write reviews on Yelp.

I have a Myspace that I used since 2003 until a format change ZAPPED away 10 years of blogs and notes without warning in 2010 when those 300 myspace employees were laid off for the holidays. Black Blog Day.

One of the things I worry about is Facebook either becoming the new abandoned Myspace in a few years, or the portal to privacy invasion that will make hackers look like children on a Fisher Price computer.

What happens if I check “This post is super-awesome?”

2011/08/16 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment