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Summer lovin, but I don’t mean the rapey song

Open season blog, summerdate 66409.58

This summer is going to be a little different from last. I’m already seeing things I can’t participate in for a second year because, yes I still don’t have “extra” money. Last year I made an unspoken promise that things wouldn‘t be like this now. Financially, I’m slightly better but not enough to dump a couple of weeks worth of grocery money in a day.

Basically, I’m sick of being nice to unresponsive store and restaurant managers and getting nothing in return. It’s maddening and yet something society, my mother and my past voice plays in an endless loop that I have to do, right up there with the definition of insanity (doing something over and over again expecting a different result).

May hit me with a lot of season/ series tv show enders. I didn’t see many, erratic network tv reception is a curse but largely a blessing. I read about a lot of them. It made me think of my favorite season cliffhangers and the top series enders, ones that got their proper ending and far more that got cancelled or even a bum rush ending. If you thought of many in this paragraph, please note them as I try to figure out how to change my blog so anyone can note (without a login).

The straw that broke my back was the last weekly, the summer events guide. This summer like last promises a lot of free concerts, community events, fairs, conventions that have already been steady since winter weather petered out. I did go to a lot of free things last summer and then I stopped going, which was a mistake. I guilt-ed myself when I saw everyone spend a lot at each or bring all their “upper status” things to wave in everyone’s face. I mistakenly allowed materialism from the Joneses to gain the upper hand.

When I was in Vegas and had “baller money” I never waved it in someone else’s face when I could do something others couldn’t. I still did cheap things, I just got more mileage out it.

I’ve been studying early 20-somethings for the past couple of years. There’s an energy they have. There are beliefs they have, society is geared towards it. You learn and question everything in high school. If you can go to college, even a community one, you choose what you want to study, where you want to go in life. I admittedly am learning 2 decades too late that “going after my dreams” in film/ video entertainment was the wrong choice. The way the world operates is job security in knowing the legalities, finances and advertising savvy to run a business. I had my fun in my 20s and even 30s. and even all my savings & cashed out 401Ks didn’t last 2 years of looking for work.

Something weird happens in your 20’s, you’re groomed to go off into a career and then aside from a week off every year, who gives a shit, life doesn’t change until you turn 65 and theoretically retire. For awhile, it used to be a retirement having to work as a greeter at Helmart and even that is decimating before us first wave of post baby boomers will get to that age since that generation will rape social security and every other retirement option dry since they already “borrowed” from those budgets.

Early 20’s is “let’s go on trips and see what’s out there before we become stuck in careers and kids for the rest of our lives.” I try to look at my unemployment as a chance to get this energy back. I have a “half time” break where I can think about what to do with the rest of my life with a fresher start that early 20 year olds never comprehend. For a lot of them, it’s balls out, kids that have it tougher live like they don’t even expect to make it past 30, which is also why car insurance is jacked up for that age and why most pregnancies and STDs happen in those “fuck the condom” years.

I literally lived where people “bet it all,” for a decade. The odds catch up, the house always wins in the long run. Living there I knew this and instead of investing in the companies (which may have actually been a good call in retrospect), I put my money on the felt and the penny slots for the free beer like everyone else that lives there. Live for today, fuck around with your friends.

This summer I need to break the monotony. And if I volunteer for some of the community events, it’s another chance for me to “network,” although I have no intention of doing so. I want to have a modicum of fun while I’m doing something where I’m also learning and can be productive. If you believe in movie/ tv logic, in the zen I’d eventually get a job offer. I just know I need to break out of my own mental poverty walls on a regular basis. I spent another winter cooped up in this mofuggin condo trying to sell shit on amazon to stay afloat.


2012/05/29 - Posted by | Single malts | , , , ,

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