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Springing Into Summer

Spring fever’s blog, trip planning date: 130528: 18

[I keep shifting tenses and if I go back to make them consistent, I’ll probably get lazy, save the file and forget to go back to it. So t/here you go.]

I got the summer edition of my local weekly and I poured thru it looking for things to do this summer. The past couple of years I was such a tight ass with money I didn’t do anything, except for pay off a credit card. That was quite worth it

This summer I’m deciding to “get back to the innocence.” There are so many things that have been ruined, made me jaded, by news fearing terrorism, documentaries exposing the evils of people, drug culture, manipulative women, chemicals in food, reality shows, class warfare, etc.

It’s also been a good writing exercise, looking at all the age groups for when we had the best times before the shitty thing(s) happened.

When you’re a kid at home, you get to play with toys (I‘m old, pre video games), look at tv to see cartoons. When I was a kid, afternoon tv wasn’t tabloid trash, it was reruns of black and white abbott Costello movies, our gang, etc.

Some kids were lucky enough that their parents took them to theme parks over summer or spring break or x-mas. Some parents just stuck their kids in summer camp, left to teenagers who totally should not be in charge of kids. Others were left to fend riding bikes around the neighborhood.

If you got a bike for x-mas, the whole neighborhood opened up. You get to cruise with your friends, hang out in front of the liquor store. You can pedal to the mountains and stream and parks. I remember it rained on us one time and we thought it was cool, like an epic battle against the wind and rains, like we saw pirates do on tv. Of course you go to the mall, arcades, the movies too at the cheap dollar theater. I think those are replaced with netflix and red box for the most part, sad.

In high school, if you passed you’re driving and got a car from your parents, then the whole town opened up! On the weekend we could drive to the beach! There was one main drag we went to cruise on the weekend.

There were a couple near me. On the east side there was the infamous King & Story, the low rider capitol of the south bay in the late 70’s. While people in new york were at discos, people in my hood were bouncing cars and getting into it with cops where I grew up.

A historical marker situated along El Camino Real.

A historical marker situated along El Camino Real. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The other was a section of the King’s Highway, El Camino Real, a section of California route 82. I remembered it went from Wolfe road in Cupertino, where everyone circled back and sometimes cops picked that as their spot to nab cruisers. The south-east end was debatable, it changed. But it seemed to be blocks ease of the Lawrence expressway intersection, exactly where is the debatable part. It was to deter the cop checkpoint situation.

Next thing you know, most people went to college and all the holidays became spring break, x-mas break, summer or as soon as finals were over. Then we took road trips or flew. The country opened up to us.

A big exotic thing in the bay area was to fly to Cancun or Hawaii, which I never understood. The stories were the same of how we got drunk at the beach, bought shot glasses and screwed up trying to get laid. I did all that in Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk for much cheaper. and got to go to Monterey when I felt like taking a more “mature, cultured” trip.

Santa Cruz, California - Boardwalk

Santa Cruz, California – Boardwalk (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have some ideas on what to do this spring to get those exploration feelings back. Haven’t even gotten into after college/ 20 somethings trips yet…

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2013/05/28 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Not the water sports you’re thinking of…

Marine Biologist’s blog, seadate: 130226:08

When my cat got older, I considered getting another cat to keep her company many times. But I was afraid that if they didn’t like each other and wouldn’t eventually get along,  her last years would be filled with aggravation and possibly fights. I didn’t want to put her thru that.

I also wanted to be her best friend and masseuse since I assumed her muscles were getting sore. I could see it in those last months when her grooming habits decreased more and more. And I was able to spend a lot more time playing with her, being home every night.

So, I decided to refurbish the lizard tank I hadn’t used in at least a decade. I took it from apartment to storage areas. The lizard supplies are now rounded up in a box, I’d hope to get more money selling it as a lot on eBay or the flea market, given transpo and a weekend (off) to do it.

I bought 4 skirted tetras (silver with black stripes) and one of them promptly died. I have 4 gallon jugs that I refill with down to uv filtered from the front of the supermarket. Tap water smells of chlorine. So they get the best water for their 10 gallon tank. Sometimes I buy a gallon of spring water to rotate in for the minerals.

The ornaments I chose were basically lizard things, the same multi-colored gravel, a rock with a hole in it that the lizard crawled thru and the fish swim thru. They even hang out in it once in a while.

At the pet store, they had live plants, so I got a few, one is a “moss ball,” that looks like a ball of styrofoam anchored with fishing string to a fishing weight. It’s covered with some kinda planting soil and the moss has grown out nicely to a huge messed up fro.

This is getting to be a lot, I know, but I bought a pump and lid for the tank with lights. I also have accumulated about 8-10 chemicals and medicines for the water, and of course feeding flakes.

I put them on a milk crate so it would be on a lower level near my cat’s bed so she could watch them, like kitty tv. She didn’t react as enthused as I’d hoped, but I did catch her staring at them once in a while.

After my cat died, I decided to get 4 red platys, the fish I wanted to get while she was alive because they were brighter. Same thing happened, 1 fish passed away within hours of putting them in the tank. I don’t like that.

And eventually, I wanted an algae cleaner and found a mini catfish, an albino bristlenose pleco. It’s cool, it’s thorough on going around the tank suckering residue I can’t see on the glass, plants, rock and arch that I have. I read online that it likes wood, so I cut a piece of the driftwood from the lizard structure and Hoover likes it. While I was cleaning the tank once, Hoover let me PET it. Pictures online show people holding them, they seem to accept and like it! Maybe its skin salt?

It’s a surprisingly cold winter for me, and I’m in California climates, still conditioned to no humidity. So I bought a cheap heater (pad) for the fish, too.

There will be a part 2, I crammed a lot of expo in my one page typing.

Whenever I stare at my fish now, I’m happy and sad at the same time that my cat got to have her fish.

2013/02/26 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

2013 Mission Statement (about the author thing)

Blogdate: 130110:19

It’s strange that my resolutions for the year are “more of the same.” My resolutions are really a carry over list of my weekly/ December list, really. There are degrees of satisfaction and complacency I have to beware. I must have goals I can achieve towards going where I want to and not get into another rut.

I was really surprised that I was happier than I thought come the end of last year. Surviving the second apocalypse of my life made me appreciative. While busting my ass to get hired, I actually achieved something else inadvertently. So in 2013, I will spend more time researching where to build the landing ramp, since I’ve built the shit out of the launch ramp. Still looking for the vehicle to ride across the unemployment chasm.

Continue to spend wise: I’m no longer thinking of myself as a tight-ass when it comes to spending, even when I do. What I notice when I go thru my dozen receipts every other month is that my purchases aren’t filled with the regret I had years ago. I buy shit I need and when I eat out, it’s to check out a restaurant and that’s pretty minimal. One of my biggest achievements of 2012 was paying off my one credit card without a (paycheck) job.

Eat healthier: I have done this, most of my groceries are now in the produce area. I buy as few canned things as possible (toxic lining). I reduced my meat intake to “a few bits” per meal, cutting back on preservatives and all that crap they pump into the animals. I try to eat less monocultured foods, which is the toughest thing to do along with cutting hfcs, every food has something that big farm tainted. I get craving for sweets so instead of corn syrup, I allowed myself dark chocolate or honey in it (checking the label for no chems).

Buy smaller and more local: The grocery store is probably the biggest chain I go to, California wide. Eh, I go to the (national) dollar store once every other month. I love the mom and pop shops, I go to the only couple of used book stores accessible to me. I go to the flea market every other month, “to browse.” The only thing I bought from manufacturer remains Dickies (indestructible) clothing. If I can’t buy it American, I buy it used at least, like at a thrift store.

There are other things I’ve been working on, like fuck the Jonses. The US has a strange fascination on tv it seems of following the richest people with “rich problems,” or “trashy” people “below” them (“reality” shows). People used to strive for better and I don’t know what happened. So I’ll strive for a “couple of levels” above me in terms of what I myself accomplished before.

The big goal I’ve had for the past couple of years is something of a recurring joke I’ve attacked from every angle possible and “not” tried. Applying with a history gap is shit that gets worse. The only thing I feel I make progress on is making or selling my own product or service I don’t need licenses or years of schooling for. So, my goal for the year is more related to researching more independent income methods that wind up being bullshit money-making schemes and scams.

I currently research a dozen cities demographics to see where my life can go, more importantly how I could survive until a first paycheck.

2013/01/10 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tournament of Hopes?

Post-apocalypsedate: 130101:23

I planned to get trashed last night, but I wound up being the Watcher for a drunk pack of women. Partial compensation included letting me feel up one of the girls who recently healed from enlargement surgery. Honked whenever I wanted to and I did even when I didn’t- just to do. You get that extra plateful of deserts at the AYCE buffet even though you’re full. Did you get to go anywhere fun for new years?

We woke up and watched the Tournament of Roses parade. It’s something of a tradition w/ K & her son. If I ever saw the parade before it had to have been before I ever drank alcohol, an obvious new years staple.

I was really impressed with the parade and I’ll even write with no irony that it was sweet, hopeful and inspirational. I don’t know if the themes are always positive, but the theme was Oh The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss. It has to do with the future, travel and adventure.

Oh.. The Places You'll Go !

Oh.. The Places You’ll Go ! (Photo credit: prayitno)

Being a parade float captain and organizer in Vegas (long and worth it story), I got all kinds of ideas and scenarios that ran thru my mind as the parade developed. There were a lot of things I liked about it, especially that it wasn’t a Christmas parade building up to a santa finale.

There were all kinds of things I liked: equestrians, real penguins, rescue animals! Any animals I loved. Kids and babies were kids, not the bratty hammy kids. I don’t know how intentional it was for this year or if they always did it but I liked the lack of rifle twirler rotc type groups. I also loved the charities and SCIENCE! There were floats devoted to science. People wearing lab coats are always a winner with me, especially when they are associated with the future. There was subtext that the future wasn’t based on fantasy and make-believe. You do dream things, but you work to making them happen. Damn you for being inspirational 🙂

I loved the international floats, peace in the future. I love the positive messages coming from southern California because all year all I see on the news are all the homicides and other calamities from there. I forget there are good people in the world. One of my resolutions is to drastically cut down my news at least half. Stick to Daily Show, just half hour of local news in case something happens nearby. I already stopped following most of the political things that set me off from my face book and it helps. I had to keep up on things before the election. Unemployment makes you a well-informed activist.

There were some groans, but they behaved for the most part. And this is big corporate commercials and huge logos all over everything. It was clear what sponsors made the parade possible and one company known for it’s synergy was present frequently.

I was sad that we missed the beginning and then they played it AGAIN! They do this every year? I’m so used to spending my new year’s day going back to places to get the shit that I lost from my keys, to my coat, camera- the evidence!- cell phone, to my credit card I left for the bar tab. At sometime or another I’ve lost everything once, it gets bad when they add up and you need stuff to be to work at 4:00PM.

Even though I see/ read about the barbed wire to prevent graffiti, pollution, vandalism and other mayhem, I would like to go back to L.A. for at least a week. It used to be my vacation spot in the early 90’s before I discovered Vegas. One trip was the only vacation I took FROM Vegas. I want to talk to people about where they live, there are so many burghs or districts or whatever they are.

Ah, dreams of money and vacation time.

The surprise was, the whole thing made me hopeful. I, like the United States, am tired of waging war on everything that blocks me. I picked my battles, I mostly attack “big” entities or people who make the rules/ laws that screw over my group(s). I want to spend more of this year enjoying the sides I’m on, remind myself and others why “our way” is better or has statistically improved things. Educate without drafting. If I’d ever go to Africa, I’d bring food, not bibles.

Next time I want to continue resolutions which could probably mash-up with 2012 highlights. Wow, there were some?! Yes! Maybe I’ll update my “about me,” a little grim, huh?

2013/01/02 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Winter has begun

Blogdate: 121209:21

I feel like Marc Maron, I’m going to start off with another apology. Of all things, I should have blogged about my favorite holiday, Halloween. Or the importance of voting, which turns out people realized and waited in line hours, even after the polls closed 8:00 pacific. Us poor people really sick of millionaires writing policy to screw us, in laws, at work.

So here we are, a week-ish before xmas. I’m already thinking ahead to new years. I remember the feeling of that countdown, the hopes and looking at the bright lights and people kissing off the old year. Even the biggest pessimists look forward to the hopes of a new year. I wonder where best to celebrate. Normally, I’d love it to be Fremont St. in Vegas, but it’s a bunch of 80’s glam rock bands. I always chicken out from San Francisco because where am I going to sleep after? The damn public transportation will shut down when the bars do, not hours after as it would be convenient to us holiday binge drinkers.

So, I have been twittering, you guys got to see some of those posts. I love twitter, I honestly have been on my other evil twitter pundit profile. I spew out all my anger from the news there. It’s a neat little Pandora’s box of anger to rage in like a Klingon.

My search for work bounces between 3 categories: 1) regular bullshit applying, which is a ridiculous ritual at this point but I have to keep doing it to do it; 2) searching for ways I can make money online, thru writing and selling shit and somehow developing a base site that I can have tons of ads to annoy you; 3) I pick a city every week to research, not only for work but for the culture.

Can I bear it politically? Is public transit a nightmare or cutting age around the clock? Not cut to shit by the budget. Is there burlesque and rockabilly there? Are there fun, annual events? What weather calamities will I have to face? Freezing my ass off? Humid, rainy mold? Stinky, dehydrating heat and sand storms? Floods, tornadoes, tsunamis? It gets a bit superficial, but where I live should be planned like a vacation. Basically, can I stand the people there?

In no order, I have or still am considering in no particular order: Albuquerque, NM, some blue county in Arizona if not NM; southern California, honestly Hollywood for the comedy clubs and improv classes, maybe Buena Park a close second. I love Knott’s Berry farm even though I have odd non-statistical and hopefully outdated feelings about the surrounding neighborhoods;

Also, I’m considering with a friend in a place I’m not naming right now. It’s complicated to get to. But we talk a lot. She keeps me from going insane, as I breakdown a lot of nights in anguish at my unemployment. She’s the only 1 left to listen. It’s not so frequent, now. Books make me happy, learning about business, history, etc. Books are another blog.

What else? Don’t know if I could bear deep red Texas, but Austin would be the place, if any. I wish Seattle wasn’t as cloudy and gloomy as my mind is convinced and people try to convince me not; I don’t know about Oregon. I saw Portlandia, it’s quirky. If the area is like the show, I might as well live in Berkeley for the same thing, closer.

I made a landmark achievement: I paid off my 1 credit card of $750 limit, yes without a job, selling crap and somehow staying above my weekly groceries and utilities. I don’t think I succeeded some weeks. So I’m trying to save now. I believe I can afford a bus trip 1 way to any place in the country, maybe beyond. But I need to save up more since I’d probably rack up my card on the way there, let alone staying wherever for even a week.

As it looks, now, I need to put myself in a situation of someone’s couch. It’s horrible for the host and the loser on the couch. I don’t really know how it can work. Once I’m on a couch, I’ll have no way to get back, no security in finding a job unless the “friend” knows “everyone” in town and can hook me up. And if I run out of money, I’ll be away from the rest of my possessions I could sell.

My breaking point is in 2013. I have to get a job, leave this condo and live my own life. I’m so worn out, I really deserve a break since I work harder than people with jobs.

 

2012/12/09 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why I’m not in the mc icattle herd.

Someone sent me a note to ask me what exactly my problem is with Apple, so I’ll answer in “public.” couple of reasons:

1) Ever spend a weekend cleaning the house? Everything in it’s place, all sorted out, all the trash taken out, laundry done, great. Monday, you need something and… can’t find it. Where do you look? Now there’s only 1, maybe 3 places it “should” be but isn’t. Where do you look then? You have to start unraveling areas that don’t make sense. That’s my experience working on apple products in school, there was nowhere else to look when things didn’t work. Go thru the 1 customer support? The 1 help link? 3rd parties that wrote different books with the same information you tried already. They make you go thru 1 place, the 1 place that doesn’t help unless you feed more money into their machine. All your eggs in one basket. And the basket breaks. I know 3 people that have sold their audio cd collections, put it all on an ipod, only to drop it and lose everything in 1 shot. I’ll play a burned copy of my clunky cds and store the original, thank you. I don’t know any mac owners that haven’t complained to me about whatever 3rd party repair shop they had to take their laptop to, unanimously. All of them. and I’m serious about every person I know that has one.

Remember when legos were blocks? You didn’t know what you were going to build, you used your mind. Now they’re kits that only fit into that 1 thing from the picture on the box.  They expanded your mind and creativity, not limited. mcdonald’s registers have buttons of the food to make it “idiot proof.” Think, I’ll wait. Instead of an app, I’ll learn to play on a real instrument, buy a camera that’s designed to be… a camera.

2) McDonald’s was a great innovative diner once, until the McDonald’s family sold it to Kroc, leading to the “of shit” fame. Sam Walton made a great department store, until he died and the family made “a few” changes. Disney died and several CEOs later, sentimental childhood images from the movies became invasive crossover marketing collect all the hong kong sweatshop made toy marketing. The free marketeers discovered televisions were a babysitter and they said if you don’t buy for them, they will cry and you are a bad parent. Technology is a tool, not a vacuum from your wallet, which is what these gadgets do. So easy to click and buy right when you think of it. Takes (old fashioned human) discipline to make a list and prioritize what’s really important the monday after payday. It’s the practicality and basic function, not the logo.

This started off as a fb post. Long for there, probably short for what I write here. But you get it.
I’m not linking any of the brands I mentioned out of principle. there are small mom and pop places you know, imagine they’re linked and goback to them this week. I have no idea why San Bernadino came up as a tag, but there you go.

2012/10/14 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , | Leave a comment

Confidence racket

I haven’t been on because of the elusive confidence with the the lack of results from the effort I put in on the application trail.

October is supposed to be my month, and a couple of weeks of it have already blown by faster than I want or understand.

Last week, I picked up a bunch of books from the library I had on order from other locations. I should have paced them out, as much as I read, I may not be able to get thru the “best of” what I’ve wanted to read. I have my stable of the type of books I get, but most importantly are defense of shit and what I need to do to be on the offense, which can mean achievements, positivity but mostly production.

One of the books is great, because it’s from a couple of guys in southern California that have done well for themselves. They’re aware of the “game” they’re playing. They’re able to work the Hollywood factory crushes souls. They seem to work without them or have them hidden somewhere and yet there is evidence they actually have them. I have read a lot of books and this is what I’m reading from between the lines. I have yet to see a book actually address it. A lot of memes and blanket positives get thrown that are too vague for me to have any meaning.

I pay a lot of attention to how my days and weeks are structured. One of the things I have going for me is planning my own schedule. I get to be my own boss which is alright because I’ve always gotten more done at every job when I’m just left alone to do it.

The group anchor and carrying others’ weight has always slowed me down or pissed me off. My mind seems to accumulate that weight, no matter how I try to blow it off. They’re always there the next day picking up where they left off. And no I don’t want to be the enabler because I’m sweating when we’re supposedly getting paid the same.

And busting my ass never got me the promotion, just more “grunt work.” Being “popular” was what got me the few promotions I’ve ever had. And being the most reliable. In a pinch, the slackers retreat and the figure head put me in Command.

In October, I rearranged my netflix cue to have all scary movies. Honestly, in the 80’s I stayed away from horror movies because they really scared the shit out of me. This was before Buffy and CSIs and Scream. Now I can look at slasher movies like a procedural and analyze their weaknesses and M.O. while the protags are too scared to think. I’ve seen Tremors and I’m nearing the end of Nightmare now. I’m on 4, it’s hilarious in it’s 80’s-ness and still a good movie. It’s stands the test of time on a period piece level that movies try to recreate now with first gen valley girls (now they’re “reality socialites”) and sat morning tv references.

I’ve come to a cool conclusion that unemployment is a slasher movie. You have people victims of it in the same way. You have all kinds of relatives and friends blowing off your bloody knife scars. Official agencies are useless. I made a list a page+ long of cool parallels.

It actually gave me new confidence. I’ve seen the Ghostbusters game clips on youtube, same thing. Weather it’s zombies, ghosts, slashers or graboids, the enemy has a pattern of attack. The problem with a lot of protagonists is they suffer alone and what they learned is eliminated with them. Or they’re saved and don’t relay the weaknesses to others that suffer later.

There are millions of us unemployed and we’re not united. We suffer alone, no one can understand, really. Doing more and more with less and less isn’t a self fulfilling prophecy bullshit. It’s a serious problem that wears down our psyches. And then we have to get up the next morning and go out there hungrier to convince a bored manager that you’re more energetic and more eager to take their shit paying, thankless job than the dozens of others that came in before.

As sure as you defeat it, it will come back, if not after you after someone you know.

Confidence doesn’t mean you have to release all the prisoners (although that would immortalize you). Most of the time is just going out that front door tomorrow, into some other business to check out, no matter where it will lead.

I have gotten sad in the past thinking no one reads these things I write and I actually let it intimidate me to stop writing. And that’s a mistake. I now look at it as this is my canvas. I’m writing in my notebook that’s just chained to some public place. Look at it if you want to. Shit on it or ignore it if you want to. I should be happy when 1 person reads it. And that’s you.

I have to continue to produce, I can’t stand my plans not happening above all else.

2012/10/07 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

breaking out of Groundhog Day is finding a way not to try

This is going to be something of a week, historical. Which 2 seasons of MASH would describe it best?

Also, it’s been an interesting week of dvd’s from the library. Some of the possibly symbolic movies availible were Synecdoche new york, Brazil and Groundhog’s day. There are all these “dark” remakes: batman, battlestar galactica, but they have happier endings. Bleak movies and tragedies, now those are movies with balls. I’m pretty sure dystopic movies are to men what chick flick rom coms are to women. Instead of crying, those movies make us want to drink or go out in anger and shoot things (for me, in a video game). Whack a mole gets out more anger, but all the kids look at you with apprehension. I also got mean girls, I also saw before. I needed a hot actresses movie, but smart. Odd.

Cover of "Synecdoche New York"

Cover of Synecdoche New York

I got so many of my “1 timer” errands done, I scramble for something exciting or “juicy” this week. Most of what I have to do are 8-9 projects that I’ve been picking away at. For mon- Thursday, I prioritized in descending order which ones could make me money, maybe not necessarily the most, but the most immediate.

For the weekend, I overlapped a couple per day and these are things that require me to go back and sort thru things, like paper filing that I pick and pare away at. Someday I’m going to blow out a very large paper shredder with the 4 boxes of paper and growing.

This week is the last opportunity I have to go to Santa Cruz beach boardwalk before they go to weekend operation for the fall. I went to the fair and was happy, fighting off a couple of bouts of sadness. I have to evaluate in my head how much I need to do one more summer-y thing. I’ve been so smart with money, I now see a day in Santa Cruz as sacrificing a weekly credit card payment. I haven’t been able to make much progress since spring as it is. It bothers me.

Late evening at the Boardwalk

Late evening at the Boardwalk (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When I’ve had jobs, I piss away the money as I get it. I criticize people for being stupid in doing that and here I am wanting to do that with no income. The most important goal I can make a dent on is paying off that one credit card. I seem to think I need to treat myself to something new, to maybe inspire me, or just let me have fun.

I allotted myself a “fun” budget in the form of netflix, all the classic tv series and documentaries in my mailbox 6 days a week. When I’m lucky, I get a classic on Saturday I have an extra day to watch. Then I have the free dvds I check out from the library, for all my random movie curiosities. Also, the books there that promise to solve all my problems. I have read more books that I ever did in school and have no kind of diploma or certificate for my accomplishments, just a PhD in “street smarts.”

You know the classic angel and devil on your shoulder arguing about what you should do? I recently became obsessed with deciding what 2 characters sit on my shoulders since I’m atheist. I’ve decided that whatever embodies “bad” is snaky, sarcastic, selfish, narcissist. So basically a socialite with a reality show with a life stuck in tabloids.

And then whatever I choose to represent good isn’t morning talk show/ morning radio zoo cheery, but they’re optimistic. They see opportunities. They’re also punk rock, fuck the establishment, do your own thing, create art that hasn’t been done before. Don’t fake happiness, but actually feel it. I scramble every week to find the magic that I know people saw in me when I was in college or one of the many jobs I made fun for other people while thinking it was a lead filled backpack for me.

I don’t know what to call it, but I’m afraid to have fun unless I’m being productive and/ or learning something. I can readily see how being unemployed is advantageous when I look down at someone else’s cubicle, but it’s tough to maintain when I don’t get that little piece of paper every other Friday that would get me more than a kid’s happy meal when I go out.

I think back to all the interviews that got me the job. I presented my case like I do now, and follow a bunch of “this but not that“s. I’m doing something I can’t even see on videotaping myself that doesn’t get the same result. So it goes back to those 3 phone numbers. What if more than 1 is fucking me over. I really just want to know which or what, so I can deal with it instead of trying to punch a ghost blindfolded.

This is going to be something of a week, historical. 2 years ago on the 31st, it’s the day I threw the rest of my things in a moving truck and left my girlfriend and city I love to move back here to shitstain, California, with my only support, companion and friend being my pretty girl cat.

2012/08/27 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summer status update

Catch up blog, easier date 120721.02
(man, will I have to go back and revise the old ones?)

First, I’m sorry. I know. I’ve been trying to keep busy “in the real world.” I do get caught up sharing political hypocrisy on fb, but I have a feeling it’s on blind eyes. Chances are, most people on my friends list hid my statuses. FB is a cruel bitch, you can have someone on your “friends” list and yet block things you post. It’s probably the most passive aggressive friendships you can have online. I need to check in on there maybe once a day.

Another vice I (have) had is watching people play video games with commentary on you tube. I kinda like it. I watch some guy play batman ark hams while he makes comments that are pretty much Mystery Science Theater 3000. Saves me 1) from buying and wasting months on the game and 2) I don’t have to deal with congesting my computer loading it and finding I can’t get it to work, which happened the last time I bought a game years ago.

I also have listened to pod casts, a lot of them originate from southern California. And a lot of guests have their own pod casts and I listen to those and notice some celebrities do the rounds on all the previous. One I like talk with people in the business that haven’t actually hit it big but they’re also not tabloid exposure whores. There’s a network of stand up comedians, actors, performers and you tube video makers. I look for something like that in this area and I struggle to find a little crazy brash group to have fun with and make a show of some kind. I had that energy before and I’m in much need of cultivating that pilot light again. Playing the pod casts lets me get a lot of filing and my sorting, amazon sales projects done around the living room.

My cat’s health: her legs appear to be weaker. She won’t get up to follow her red light (laser) bug anymore. I try to get her to walk around by putting her food, water and litter in different corners of the condo. I don’t want her legs to atrophy more. She’s also had diarrhea and it appears that today she was constipated. I realize her meat based diet must be giving her gas, constipation and upset stomach, but it’s not like I can get her to eat a salad. She does like ranch, though. There are some cat food w/ vegetable pieces I get and I make sure none of her food has by-products. It’s been a bitch to stay busy because any money I come across is earmarked for groceries and cat food and her needs. Even a daily bus pass is a large dent in finances.

In the morning, I ride around on my bicycle since the weather is cooler and the idiots are still asleep for the most part. It’s too hot in the afternoon. I hate bay area humidity, it makes my clothes stink, I hate itchy sweat. I miss desert heat, just keep drinking water. If I drink a lot of water here, I just sweat it out and stink more.

I have a lot of things on my summer calendar to do that haven’t been getting done. I’ve done a couple of free things, but I need to get out more. I need something to look forward to. I want to save up for a day to take the express bus over the hill to Santa Cruz for the day, costs only $10, but I want to make sure I have money to last more than a meal and actually have some fun there. Plus, I have felt guilty about staying to far away from my cat for too long.

My poor girl has had some seizures that have made her understandably depressed and afraid to over exert herself. I play with her, I use my kid voice and smile, and it probably makes me happier too trying to cheer her up with kitty games.

There’s a problem I’ve been having. Since the present and future are unstable, I’ve been reminiscing about the past maybe too much. I want to make August “future month.” and that also means looking at things that all the current trends I’ve written off. I want to see why people are so into immediacy instead of making things that last. Pop culture is so disposal and to the minute trendy, the internet has become an interactive remote control. I want to keep it a learning place, not a gossip place. I want to keep it educational, not entertainment, or at least infotainment. Things that will help me make money, get a job, not distract me. Tough to find consistency in that area.

I have to keep posting. I let myself get down. This is my message in a bottle to the world, I have to keep sending them out from my deserted isle.

2012/07/21 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summer hiatus of 2012?

Explorer’s blog, itinerary date 66398.66

Remember last time when I said I’d write about organization? I lied.

Screw that, it seems to be a common sense on how to clean an area out or organize time. Actually, the topic I’m hard shifting to is related to this, so I guess it turns out you’ll get the practical flowchart example.

What got the ball rolling were all the season/ series enders on tv in May. Honestly, I read about most, saw a couple and 1 I don’t even understand why, other than I got reception on my tv for it (Desperate yentas). No matter how cliché those can get, it still made me think of the big changes I could do this summer aside from the same old 1 that’s worn my brain and spirit down to a raw little jagged blister that used to be where I kept hope and faith.

I got the weekly and it has a guide for things to do this summer. It actually made me happy for a bit, with the promise of free/ cheap things to do. I’ve often been pissed off where I live. It’s the 3rd largest city in California (population wise), but culturally, it drags down to the high 20s.

I’m so tired of fighting the fight for a paycheck, I need to do something that’s just fun. I always guilt myself for every time I catch myself sitting around doing nothing. I at least have to read something (educational), watch tv or you tube that I can learn business from, develop searching skills, etc.

Wherever I go apply in the weekday, I see the elderly out and at times on the way home. There’s also that at risk time for kids between 3-6 PM where they’re out in hoards, bored with no money. I observe (or remember) what these 2 groups do with their time. I’m in my early 40’s, I can’t sit out in front of the 7-11. I have to look busy, people between teens and seniors get targeted the most for loitering. If we’re not buying anything, we’re a trespassing risk more noticeable than blending into a casino with a few hundred people who are really also not doing much all dressed up. We’re the fuckups that don’t have an excuse to be wandering around on a weekday.

So, like most planning, it’s good to have all the information in front of you: the guide, the stack of pamphlets, articles, etc. And then you have your blank piece of paper or whatever media you brainstorm on. Some people have a sketchbook, I have my blank notebooks/ journals, etc. I don’t think it’s a good idea to put notes on an iphone, but people peck at those a word at a time somehow.

There are tons of things I/ we want to do, but in brainstorming you list it all out. But I streamline it a little. I have to mentally hack out the things that are too far away (by public transportation more than an hour away). I have to take into consideration that things have to basically be free, but you can plan what your budget’s going to be like.

For those of you that think Coachella is worth the price of a ticket, gas, parking possibly hotel room, you schedule out the bands you want to see the most and the logistics of getting to the stages where there are drunk, high people all over the place including you. You breakdown what is actually practical, like picking 6 major moves in the day.

What I then do is prioritize. Without money, I’m basically want to do 3 things this summer, 1 per month. I’m considering volunteering for the city/ county. There are a lot of community events where they have a tent and someone handing out fliers/ pamphlets. I know someone involved I met, so I may hit her up soon. There’s free outdoor movies where I saw Viva Las Vegas last summer, Blues Brothers, etc. they pick fun movies and you bring your chairs and snacks out, you can buy beer, etc. They have security.

Concerts in the park suffered and it turns out last summer I went to the last shows. Security issues with rowdy people and transients wandering in hearing the music “encroaching on their turf.” so this summer they’re announcing concerts at small venues around town, each in their own controlled environment.

I know it pales compared to all the things to do in Vegas. That’s my other summer plan. I thought about taking a summer hiatus off twitter, most likely limit my time to a short session at night. But I failed at that before. I need to keep up on my weekly promise to blog here even though I mistake of seeing the vast void of the visit count.

My plan is to try to enjoy my life here and how. I have done this “settling” in the past and it has kept me here longer. But I’ve been here for 2 years without a paycheck. I’m stuck here. Vegas is fading more than I want it to as an extended vacation. When I was writing about letting things go, I may have to let Vegas go in my mind, stop mentioning it. Back burner it until I have 1) my credit card paid off (from “that job”) and money in savings before I can get back to thinking about it again, so my plans don’t seem so beyond my reach.

2012/05/25 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment