Unemploymentosphere

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Blog gang bang, fill all holes

Action blog, accomplish date 66480.37

It’s time for another blog slathered in catch up. The good news is I’ve been busy.

1) I had a fish tank I moved around for years, so of course when I decided I’d start an aquarium to give my cat a TV for her to watch, I found it had a crack on the bottom, probably from the move back to Podunk. I was able to get a replacement, I paid more at a small local shop with historical roots for the past 50+ years, not a national imported chain. And I’m broke ass, it was worth it.

2) I’ve been reading a lot, resulting in some interesting opposites. Last month, I removed the tv, computer and I won’t bring my phone anymore into my bedroom. It’s created a strange land where sleep actually occurs. And I find myself thinking about getting to get back to my comfortable bed a few times a day. I read there, but I don’t get far, because lying down, I’m knocked on my rem ass pretty quickly, often with a lamp on and me waking up to a smashed book.

And I can’t read in the living room kitchen, because computer and tv. So I go out and I find myself looking for a hangout. I used to bring a book when I knew I’d go to the DMV or back in the day when I went to crowded malls for the Holidays (before I got smarter and did my shopping thru the year during all the business closing sales). I also got my reading done at bus stops. So Now I’m actually looking for an excuse to wait for something to read, that part’s kinda sad.

In the library, I can get reading done, but I wind up checking out FAAR more books than I can get thru. I want to check everything out, given 15 minutes to wander around. I get into audio books and dvds and I overload myself I wind up skimming everything which is bad news. My mind scrambles and I find myself in 5th gear with road vision, not paying attention to anything. And not retaining what I want to read is no good.

There are a dozen reasons why I don’t patronize the five bucks coffee place. The bathroom of a coffee shop has to be the scariest part of any business. I do love the term laptop hobos, another reason why I don’t go. And I never understand why people want to be around coffee beans grinding, can’t they do that in a radio booth or something?

A bar in the afternoon, now that’s nice and quiet. They want my business and the drunks are stewing about their own business and generally aren’t loud, or for very long until they get kicked out. There are chairs against the wall to sit at, although I do have to plan what I read that won’t draw a big interest. People want to look at your cover and I can’t take the jacket off a laminated library book easily. But I haven’t had a beer in a long, long time. What about an empty mug, optimists?

3) I’ve been analyzing my favorite tv shows of all time. I’m obsessed with studying why tv shows fail. I look at directors, producers and writers to see where their careers peaked and what’s happened to them after. On one hand, I’m worried that I hit my peak about 5-6 years ago. You can’t get better than what I got to do in my boredom that I spend most of the day trying to capture now.

In a status update, I decided I need to find a symbolic movie at least, something to pump my “worth” back up. It seems like I’ve been trolling the trade show/ infomercial circuit of life.

4) I’ve read enough business books, econ books and seen many, many seminar/ webinar videos on you tube. Once you get past all the god awful clichés, the inspirational story with inconsistent symbolism, the gimmick words and phrases, the sales pitch for books, web sites… What was I- oh, there are nuggets of wisdom. The 20/80 principle seems to come true, you get 20% wisdom for the 80% of bullshit to wade past. One thing I know is that while my schedule may be open, I need to keep busy educating myself with as much reading as I had in college. I’ve done more, but unfortunately I don’t have a certificate or diploma as proof.

I know I need to produce something on my own, be my own CEO. Stop working for jackassery of national companies where I’m an unknown cog. If I work at a local business one on 1 with the owner/ manager, I’d be far more important to the business. So I continue to focus on a small, local to work for, while I hedge that with trying to sell articles about local events to local rags.

Seems like most of the authors/ presenters ride on their promises with the next book, while writing a lot of rah rah fluff in the mean time.

I write about my adventures, instead. And harsh lessons. And unlike stories your friends tell you, I’m not always the hero of the events I recall.

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2012/06/24 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Writer’s Blog: bardate 66153.04

Writing is about one of the last things I have that is all mine. Sometimes I question whether or not I’m a control freak. I think I put up with a lot, I “give up” too much control until I’m backed into a corner, and that is something I have to work on. Western tv/ film influence calls the reaction taking a stand. However the reaction I see is different when I am put in a situation to speak up. It turns into what’s called a Larry David moment.

I have in the past I come out fighting after taking so many daily indignities, be it work or noticeably holiday customs/ business/ politics that bring up the same irritating questions every year. I’ve noticed “thick skin” or “going with the flow” seems to mean get back to your cubicle and shut up, sheep.

There are people I see with blogs that also do their own thing. They make money off them and I have to pay attention to all that crap in the sides, headers and footers to see who may be giving a cut to the content in the middle. I’m fascinated by some of these bloggers/ vloggers. They do great consistent work and have a following.

I think my big blog following was on MySpace until they fucked it up. I tried a couple of other web communities with mixed results. I came to word press because I researched blog communities that have been around a long time and you could follow, comment and connect to other bloggers. And at some point I could eventually transfer it to my own domain.

It’s tough writing a book, that has turned into outlines of 6-8 others that can run either in tandem or sequence. There’s a lot of privacy to a point, so our shit doesn’t get ripped off. But you do have to put some “A” material out there to test reaction like a stand up comedian trying out riffs, making sure the narrative/ language works. I sit on a lot of things I’m proud of for hopefully a pay off later, to allow me to continue doing this thing that allows me to be my own boss.

DVD commentaries about movie/ tv production and the lives of writers? Yeah, I‘m a whore for that stuff. Writers’ block hasn’t been one of my problems, I have binders and stacks of notes. Hoarding is my problem and I spend a lot of time whittling down now to just what “will make an income” at the end of the day.

There’s a list I have of all the things I want to do and am chipping away at now. It seems that I can “launch” a bunch of things when I get an income. I do go out there and walk around without much to my name. Confidence is a heavier weight for me to carry without a job.

Never before have I had so much time to realize confidence isn’t just the image I have of myself, it’s a lot of carrying the weight of supporters. It’s hard to believe whether or not I care what naysayers think is controlled by a bit ion my brain that is either switched to 1 or 0.

I was often put into positions of responsibility or leading with whatever random group of people I’m with. Now, I struggle with letting problems go instead of owning every damn thing. I try to ration now by what I’m getting paid to do. It’s been freeing.

I’ve been writing every week about my early years of discovering Vegas. Problems are not only laughable, I seek out the best ones. I think what separates men from women is that we men will do a lot of shit just for the story.

When I write, I can bend time and space, since my day-to-day isn’t much fun. I can talk to people I can’t talk to now, I am filled with so much pride, or embarrassment. Or shit, right? I can see and bring people back when they were at their best. And I as well.

For a few months now, I’ve been restless. I’m ready to go out there and live life, something besides trying to find an employer to accept me. I’m so tired of seeing events go by without being able to join in.

2012/02/25 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

My trail on the interwebs

I feel kinda nervous starting another blog. Each site I devoted months and years on made the eventual big Change that pissed off all it’s users, drove them to other sites. In Myspace, it basically wiped out over 10 years of blogs (circa 1997-2008) and more important, comments that inspired me to write more and basically cheered me up a hell of a lot.

Facebook drew my interest for a couple of years (2008-2010-ish). When I joined people were complaining about a big change I missed. When I had to move away from Vegas and back to the bay area, I was honestly depressed and didn’t want to read about all the fun things I was missing and bragging that people do about how they’re in a better place in life. Facebook blogging paled in comparison to Myspace, they called it making a “note” and for some reason it only filled the middle third column of the screen that couldn’t be adjusted.

Google+ was something I didn’t even want to get involved in and it’s already tanking with issues from verification checks on your “real name.” They basically want your phone number, social, checking account numbers. My trust fell with all the big social network sites and even search engines. I wouldn’t have guessed that Big Brother came from social networking instead of government. But every word we type is accumulated market research to sell ads.

I have even started blogs on other sites, to have them not last more than a few entries. I want to feel the interaction w/ notes and comments I felt back on Myspace, less like I’m writing to a wall. It’s part of why I gave up on facebook, also. I had my friend list, but I ranted a lot with my unemployment. My support dwindled with my frustrations. My world was systematically collapsing and honestly I lashed out when my pleas for assistance were met with silence. I was always there for others.

I found yelp and that place was great for a couple of years, too. I helped me find new small businesses in Vegas. I tried keeping it up after I had to move back, but it became increasingly frustrating. My reviews of Vegas started getting out of touch. Things change fast over there, I felt like my reviews were obsolete. There was even a point where I was reviewing places as they closed down. That was a bummer, too. I may link that sometime. It’s should be easy to find if you want to search on your own for it, if not note me. I did a lot of first reviews.

It’s December, so everyone does a resolution thing. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I do have a goal here. I have written so much about Vegas that it leads my mind to other things. For some reason, I brainstorm an essay in my head, even if I’m waiting in line. I get the need to post it somewhere, to get it out of my head. Sometimes it’s tips, a lot of times it was ranting.

A page long essay every week is what I want to do, about things that wouldn’t go into the Vegas book I dream about writing. I have assembled a couple of binders of research and I have tons of printouts from when I was a concierge. I have 3 years of pamphlets and years of weeklies I basically hoarded. Those can get me thru these times so far away. I have to put them away sometimes when I get depressed and feel that I’m looking back more than forward about it. I eventually realize it’s both. I can’t go forward without remembering what I am capable of.

I want this to be a place of hope. I rant semi anonymously on twitter. I have noticed I’ve been un-followed by people I actually know. I don’t know where I can vent. In person, I’m actually friendly, pleasant and mostly listening to other people’s problems. When I go online and rant, people could think that that’s all I am and I understand that. Maybe I could take racquetball so I can slam a ball around.

Maybe next time I’ll write about what I’ve accomplished this year so you can get an idea of where my head has been the past couple of years.

2011/12/20 Posted by | History 101 | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment