Dewey Readmore Books, Iowa’s library cat

 

I owned the book Dewey for a few years now & “never got around to read it.” A few weeks ago at the library, I ran into an interesting situation, I saw it there in the audio CD section. Was it cheating to check it out when I owned the book? I checked it out, thinking I could listen to it when I putz around the house,  just like when I listen to pod casts.

 

For some reason, this was a good time to rea- hear the book, when I’m trying to recover from the loss of my cat. I also think had I read the book earlier, before my Bunn Bunn had problems, I may have even had insight on what to do.

 

Dewey Readmore Books (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I spent a lot of time online trying to diagnose her symptoms, translating her vet blood work results with online searches of parameters. I think searching any medicine we’re prescribed will turn us all into hypochondriacs. To this day, I get upset thinking that the cat meds worsened her conditions, possibly causing her seizures. I get angry, frustrated and I still feel helpless. I will always think I could have dome something more, but I then always have to think that I did more than anyone that ever knew her would have.

 

There are similar stories I heard about Dewey than I had with my Bunn, but after I was really happy that I had plenty of my own that were different, unique to me. There are plenty of cat books at the library and on Amazon that I’ll be buying in the months ahead, no doubt with similar stories.

 

It’s interesting how people’s stories about their pets are far different than anything Hollywood would lead you to believe. Cats apparently are only there to hiss and warn you not to go into an area. Dogs basically rescue people or are attack a guy if he dates in any rom com. But most pets, you just look at, share cuddles, feed and clean their poop. They sit with you when you get away from the world. They’re also the things we leave behind when we go on vacation, without a lot of thought.

 

There have been some writing books that have helped me out with some issues, for some reason developing schizophrenia is good for character developing arguments. Dewey gave me a couple of insights on writing about my cat. Listening an audio book also gave me insights. Descriptions  and the feelings they give have a lot to do with the voice of the reader. It’s like when you find out a script was written for an actor in mind. It’s tough, but rarely, I can pick out when a character was supposed to be an Eddie Murphy type. He was supposed to be in a couple of star treks and Ghostbusters. It’s easy to tell that Slimer was written for (later a tribute to) Belushi.

 

Slimer (Photo credit: Tim.Deering)

 

Part of why I want to be an author is that I want something to last beyond facebook or twitter statuses. To be a writer, I have to consider eventually getting an e-reader, since I’ll have to research publishing for that media. It also scares me. I bought a digital camera before they were in every phone and after 2 generations, the family trusted Kodak brand took a dive. I alone may not have prevented it, but I contributed to it. I used to think it was cute when sci fi movies featured of of those old “book” things, but it’s really happening like so much other dystopic predictions.

 

Vicki Myron did it. She was able to tell millions how much her cat meant to her and what an impact Dewey had on a community that I wasn’t able to relate to before, being a city man. I knew farmers were getting ousted by industry, I may have known the depths. But it was another thing to have it described in detail over a decade while I was bar hopping and playing in my disposable lifestyle.

 

Part of why I want to write is to tribute my cat and those important to me, those that are no longer around but helped me thru so many things. I have been the life of the party in a few circles. I feel so far from that person now, but I’m able to leap back into it, the eye of the festival when I write about what I should have learned from those times.

 

I know, I need to write more. But I also don’t want to wear out my welcome by writing downer blogs also. It’s tougher to write with a 3 beer attitude when you can’t afford it. I do know that’s what people want to read, my crazy Vegas adventures. And I have to sit on a lot of things until a press someday shoots out a book I can hold in my hands and dedicate to the few of you for being there the whole time, and share the memories of my cat Bunn Bunn you don‘t know yet.

 

A grab bag of catchup

Writers blog, blank screen date 66448.75

I have to keep writing. I get lazy and doubtful and that’s the wost thing I can do when it comes to my own blog. There are tons of things I can go out and do, buy, join or follow that can be taken away from me.

There is something here that I have to stay devoted to maintaining. This is the one thing that I have that is mostly me. There’s a percentage of wordpress, firefox and netzero having to stay in business to keep this going, but I have my uploaded drafts on my computer.

The legacy you leave is something I think has been put aside for instant updating. It’s why it bothers me that photo albums have turned into social media albums. I put 10 years into myspace for better or worse. I cut back drastically on face book for that reason, as well as the big brother tactics of every word typed used as marketing statistics.

It’s why I prefer to burn my audio cds (to back up/ mix I bought), even though they made vinyl a thing of the past. Mini compact discs are where I draw the line on technology. Paying to download a stream of mp3 doesn’t have the same satisfaction of buying a cd to hold in my hands, look at the cover art of or read the liner notes, even when the info is online somewhere. See the movie I Need That Record or even High Fidelity to get why the music store employee is the unsung hero of small American business retail.

Same for theater movies. There are movies I see in the theaters, a rep theater. Even though it may be a matinee, there are some I deem worthy of seeing in a theater when I hear incredible things about, like the Artist or Tree of Life. When top mainstream reviewers (you’ve heard of) say things like “I haven’t seen anything like this is years” it’s worthy for me to shell out $15 to see it on the bog screen. And I mean in a vintage theater, not the strip mall with the movie screen as big as a couple of garage doors.

I am writing chapters for a book, about of course my favorite topic. It’s taken on many formats, but the heart or the meat of the chapters remain the same. I actually just started the ball rolling writing about the middle chapters. The first couple needs to set things up and the last couple have to resolve a certain percentage of things, I believe. I fuckin HATE those movies that wrap every single god damn thing up. It’s just bullshit that every character cums a little in that last 10 minutes of the movie. Whenever you gamble or play some sort of game, there is only 1 winner. The rest statistically have to lose their share to compose the pot won. And there are different degrees of losing, too, not just won/ lost the big game. Other unexpected side perks may happen, at least. And losers have to react accordingly, some in anger, some in frustration, others expected it. Some swear “we’ll get ’em next time!”

My mind races so fast, I mentally compose a dozen blog entries in an afternoon. Chances are I’ll write a list of topic key words if I’m inclined to. Usually I’ll get down to writing about 10 of those in a blog, if I can lump them into a theme of some sort. Sometimes I go red-eye of thought when I think there are a lot of topics that aren‘t related I have to get some thoughts out about.

Part of why is tvtropes.org. Part of learning how to write has more to it than grammar and syntax. Although those are necessary starting points. It’s sad to see book reviews on amazon when the book doesn’t appear to have a copy editor. There are plot flows and setups. I time travel a LOT in my mind which is why I need to write my lists down. If I start thinking in circles, the notes help me get my bearings. I admittedly need to organize them more, so I limited them to a few media.

Tvtropes answers a lot of questions psychology books haven’t answered for me. We have problems that gridlock us, but if they were in a film, they’re ridiculously easy to resolve, right? It’s also why I write. When I write I’ve gone thru the trials and I have a current subset of “answers,” or so it may seem until I actually see them in writing. You can read a lot about training a cat, but it won’t mean a thing until you’re actually trying to get it to do something.

I read a lot about setups to clichés, but then how to turn them on their asses, as a few movies/ shows do, like Community. #sixseasonsandamovie. What differentiates a protagonist, an antagonist, versus an asshole mentor. Or a side kick? Every show/ film has the equally balanced group of friends, racially, age-wise, job status, social status, etc. so they eventually deal with all of the conflicts that could potentially happen. Fauxality shows are based on getting a group of odd people and throwing them into areas where regular people are. And agitate.

I have so many notes to go thru, I need to hone my writing into some of the things I like that I’ve been reading and audio auto biography cds I’ve listened to from the library.

Looking for a job is a chore. Writing is my only real job, where I‘m the boss. And I have to put time into it for you, my readers.

Second Weekly Blog?

Writer’s blog, mancave date 66297.87

(It occurred to me it may not be right to use “bardate” until I can regularly go to one again :/)

I debated writing a second blog/ week, I have no reason not to when I consider some vloggers are making 5 videos/ week on youtube.

So then I considered a format for it. I know I’d try to post it on Thursdays. I think it would be best to consider it a bonus blog in case I can’t keep doing it every week. I should be able to, I have enough in my mind. I’ve seen people on youtube that have a second “channel” for “behind the scenes” stuff.

Should I do a weekly news thing? I’ve grown to rant about people who do this, but I understand why. Current events bring popular media recognition to a blog/ vlog. I’d get pissed that people have to scrape the news barrel for something to comment on. Meanwhile I’m watching a lot of these people regularly, so double damn on me. I’m a black pot. But I don’t want to just rant about the hypocrisies of news, a trap I fall very easily into. I need to Bugs Bunny shit that annoys me and cut back on my Daffy Duck.

A few years ago, I used to give people shit about talking about tv characters at work or while we were in a bar, as if they were real people. I had a point then, we were in FUCKING VEGAS. There are millions of things to do all over town and in hundreds of bars, clubs, restaurants and attractions to be talking about fake tv. And half of tv is filmed in Vegas anyway. It’s still cool to see me on my motorcycle pop up on stock footage in a show, or me in someone who I don’t know vacation’s photo background.

Now I’m on the outside, looking in. Now I can renti things that were filmed when I was there. And it’s largely because I can no longer afford to go out and what‘s on network tv now would drive me to a lower mental capacity. I now watch the film/ tv shows that seem to have a big impact on not only my friends, but critics and even some award shows. I usually dismiss the “big” award shows, since they miss the most historical films of the time.

There are a lot of films/ tv shows I’ve never heard of. Why? I put a lot of those movies aside unless there are a lot of actors I like in it or a film maker that thinks out of the box I can trust: your Art Linklater, Charlie Kaufmans and Terry Gilliam types.

After watching 11 seasons of CSI on DVD, there are a lot of movies written out there stupidly writing down in rom coms, etc. I can’t imagine any actor from CSI doing one of those dopey mindless “if they just talked for 5 minutes to clear up the miscommunication there wouldn’t be a movie” comedies.

Or, screw it, maybe I’ll just write stream of consciousness Thursday and allow my Monday posts to be about a single thing. Or… keep the Monday format and concentrate on developing that and my “second draft posted” grammar. I pick a random blog and I still correct grammar/ spellings that pick at my brain.

And then there’s my audience where I’m tempted to say what do you guys want? I admit, I don’t have much of a following, this is more for me to just get things out of my head. I throw my little bottled messages here and on twitter into the interweb’s ocean. I don’t get out and promote on every other site, or drop my handle linked comments all over the net. For now, anyways.

I maintain my social sites so that when I can work and feel happier about being able to put money into my dreams, I can start to link some of the sites together.

Yeah, I spent my extra blog writing about writing an extra blog. #meta

So, Thursdays could be anything above, it’s a bonus blog day.

Writer’s Blog: bardate 66153.04

Writing is about one of the last things I have that is all mine. Sometimes I question whether or not I’m a control freak. I think I put up with a lot, I “give up” too much control until I’m backed into a corner, and that is something I have to work on. Western tv/ film influence calls the reaction taking a stand. However the reaction I see is different when I am put in a situation to speak up. It turns into what’s called a Larry David moment.

I have in the past I come out fighting after taking so many daily indignities, be it work or noticeably holiday customs/ business/ politics that bring up the same irritating questions every year. I’ve noticed “thick skin” or “going with the flow” seems to mean get back to your cubicle and shut up, sheep.

There are people I see with blogs that also do their own thing. They make money off them and I have to pay attention to all that crap in the sides, headers and footers to see who may be giving a cut to the content in the middle. I’m fascinated by some of these bloggers/ vloggers. They do great consistent work and have a following.

I think my big blog following was on MySpace until they fucked it up. I tried a couple of other web communities with mixed results. I came to word press because I researched blog communities that have been around a long time and you could follow, comment and connect to other bloggers. And at some point I could eventually transfer it to my own domain.

It’s tough writing a book, that has turned into outlines of 6-8 others that can run either in tandem or sequence. There’s a lot of privacy to a point, so our shit doesn’t get ripped off. But you do have to put some “A” material out there to test reaction like a stand up comedian trying out riffs, making sure the narrative/ language works. I sit on a lot of things I’m proud of for hopefully a pay off later, to allow me to continue doing this thing that allows me to be my own boss.

DVD commentaries about movie/ tv production and the lives of writers? Yeah, I‘m a whore for that stuff. Writers’ block hasn’t been one of my problems, I have binders and stacks of notes. Hoarding is my problem and I spend a lot of time whittling down now to just what “will make an income” at the end of the day.

There’s a list I have of all the things I want to do and am chipping away at now. It seems that I can “launch” a bunch of things when I get an income. I do go out there and walk around without much to my name. Confidence is a heavier weight for me to carry without a job.

Never before have I had so much time to realize confidence isn’t just the image I have of myself, it’s a lot of carrying the weight of supporters. It’s hard to believe whether or not I care what naysayers think is controlled by a bit ion my brain that is either switched to 1 or 0.

I was often put into positions of responsibility or leading with whatever random group of people I’m with. Now, I struggle with letting problems go instead of owning every damn thing. I try to ration now by what I’m getting paid to do. It’s been freeing.

I’ve been writing every week about my early years of discovering Vegas. Problems are not only laughable, I seek out the best ones. I think what separates men from women is that we men will do a lot of shit just for the story.

When I write, I can bend time and space, since my day-to-day isn’t much fun. I can talk to people I can’t talk to now, I am filled with so much pride, or embarrassment. Or shit, right? I can see and bring people back when they were at their best. And I as well.

For a few months now, I’ve been restless. I’m ready to go out there and live life, something besides trying to find an employer to accept me. I’m so tired of seeing events go by without being able to join in.