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Comedy Podcast Therapy

podcast blog, stream date: 131209:20

Maybe last year, I dabbled in podcasts from comedians I enjoy (and in one case I actually didn’t). Keep your enemies closer, that bothered me. Some days I have to analyze them, try to figure out what’s going on. If I do that, the realization becomes I’m obsessing on them, so I cut ties. And then I question my behavior because I quit. I hate when people quit over something as lame as a disagreement. Aren’t there married couples with opposite political beliefs? How do they do that?

So each podcast I listened to had a guest that led to another. The obvious barometer could be do they have cool guests? Yeah, I listened to those. But then after a few, I pick an episode where they don’t have guests or in some cases even a co-host (if they have one). Could they carry the ball on their own?

I have over 30 pod casts, probably approaching 40 that I’m listening to. It’s clearly the talk show format that tv and terrestrial radio failed to give us. Commercials are like stds and I don’t want to get infected by a lot of those big retailers. Podcasts if they have ads, venture into online ads, the “new frontier.”

Online businesses that don’t have brick and mortar and don’t at least appear to be outsourced outside US are still a big mystical quality to them. And yet these magical online businesses also contribute to massive unemployment in the US. Production is automated or outsourced to sweatshops that don‘t have unions to protect minors/ employees rights. Technology IS replacing the American worker.

Books have become the education I can afford. The vocational classes I want to take cost $hundreds, while their books I could still check out or buy at a fraction. I just don’t get the degree. But all those people with degrees working fast food and retail aren’t much of an incentive, either.

The more pod casts I listen to, the more I hear that people “in the business” had parents that were in it. They took their kid to work one day and they were caught in the spell. Comedians seem to come from a few places and honestly, I’m reasonably past the point to be in a male a capella group in NYU.

Celebrities always talk about how lucky they were to get that first big break. But they lived in l.a., where agents and bookers hang out at comedy clubs on their night off. Every child that makes the news because they did some incredible thing had parents that put them in a certain school, or contacted make a wish whose business it was to call around to broker people looking for charitable publicity.

I always look for those that haven’t gotten their break yet and have plucked away at their trade for over a decade. When I hear about someone who finally made it, I can believe. Those fictional sports movies/ shows are such bullshit to me. It’s fake, they didn’t win anything!? The script said so, of course they were confident, there were no actual stakes!? Even if it’s a recreation the actors are too pompous. Each minute on the field, it’s adrenaline. You never know if you make those last critical points. You can make the best shot and still lose the big game and all your support groups disappear after that.

Podcasts let me know people are still plucking away out there. Many celebs wind up talking about what they talk about with therapists. With the guest and the host trying to figure out what those dry spell problems are, what they mean.. Hey, free therapy for me as I ask the same questions.

 

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2013/12/09 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Skip this, you’re likely to find something offensive.

Open mic blog, poetry date 130527:14

Whenever I think I may be doing something wrong or immoral,
Then I see the news and see many, many people injured/ arrested for doing illegal things.

Whenever I think I ask too many things,
Then I think of parents, bosses and teachers who never taught to question authority.

Whenever I think I explain myself too much,
Then I realize people are really upset by hearing their words fed back to them.

Whenever I think I feel hostile,
Then I see how someone ruined their day/ event by acting out on it.

Whenever I think I worry too much,
Then I listen to a pod cast with a celebrity I look up to and their worries.

Whenever I think I’m not doing enough to eat or live healthier,
Then I hear how others talk about how many times they’ve had to go to the doctor.

Whenever I think I’m not applying enough,
Then I look around and see how many others are not out during those 3 hours/ mon-thu.

Whenever I think I play mind games,
Then I think of the chess masters of this and how empty their lives are now.

Whenever I think I hear a commercial catchphrase too much,
Then I feel better about not being easily influenced to buy such inferior products.

Whenever I think I may not be patriotic enough,
Then I look at all the imported logo things people wear without even knowing why.

Whenever I hear people complaining about being single,
Then I realize how comfortable I am with myself.

Whenever I think there are going to be more emergency funding cut,
Then I see how natural disasters and crime waves hit those communities.

Whenever I think I want to have kids,
Then I see a food court or a report about earth’s resources depleting

Whenever I think I am too quiet or “bottle it in,”
Then I see someone else who does nothing but complain and spout made up lies out of desperation.

But then….

After there’s weather destruction on the news,
I see people volunteer to help strangers and I give blood

After I see funds disappear or are misappropriated in a charity,
I donate time instead of money and it turns out to be far more rewarding

After a parent yells or abuses their kid,
I know I already treat children better than they can (and I try to find some way for “a nearby official” to intervene)

After I see people camping overnight for a new electronic or movie,
I have more pride for those of us who protest and picket against greed and corruption

After I see kids in high school detecting and even curing cancers,
I have hope that kids are not home playing video games and wasting their lives away

After I see people trapped in a crowded living arrangement,
I don’t feel bad about being “alone.”

After I see employees not to anything to solve that recurring problem (“it‘s always been like that”),
I come up with more ways to solve my own problems one Last time.

After I see people hoard their “friends” on face book and cell phones,
I feel a lot better about my little list of closer friends I actually talk with/ spend time with every week.

After a friend takes offense after something I’ve said or done,
I’m glad to tell them I didn’t mean them, tell them who I did mean and sadly agree that they‘ll probably won’t admit what they did was wrong.

When I see people stand around doing nothing,
I will not (be made to) feel bad about speaking up or taking action against the problem.

After I see solar and recycling developments and policies forming,
I am happier that people are running out of excuses to not care about polluting the world.

After years of eating fast/ junk food,
I am happier to have a diet with less chemicals and preservatives and instead fresher “basics” than ever before.

After I hear people complaining about their spouses,
I realize how awesome my single adventures are.

After seeing spam and flame wars online,
I am relieved to see intelligent, logical, competent and sound contributions on the web.

2013/05/27 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , | Leave a comment

VEGAS Downtown and the Strip, the adventures continue!

TRAVELER’s Blog, bus, car and foot date 130409:11

I’ve waited a whopping 2 1/2 years to get back to Las Vegas. That’s a small number. How about 130 some odd weeks? 933 days is closer. Assuming I have a generous 8 hours of sleep a night for an insomniac, that’s 14,928-ish hours. I could get into minutes and seconds, I’ve felt each one crawl on in molasses time, but I already used my calculator more than I do on my accounting Monday mornings.

I wanted to write a pre- blog before the trip about the anticipation and all the packing anxieties, but eh. Everything turned out different than planned for the most part. There were a ton of things I packed I didn’t even use and a ton of places I researched that didn’t get done. The things I actually wound up doing instead was quite… limited until later on.

There were so many wonderful things about Vegas I’m happy to report about. I kept my trip under wraps for the most part until I actually went. People have their own usual things they post about and are usually focused more on that.

I suppose the bad news first, the recession continued to hit many businesses I loved and close them down. But like I noticed in the past few years, some of the big businesses I wish had closed locations didn’t, they still churn out garbage and cattle feeds off the image their commercials inundate on tv. Their commercials are on the superbowl every year and also make consumerist’s march madness bracket every year.

I originally moved away from the bay area because I got sick of seeing my favorite childhood places disappear due to change of new owners and management. I wanted to leave while I had memories in tact. I expected Vegas to be a place of change. I just never expected to be such a crusader of small businesses and get to know their families.

One thing that did surprise me was the new changes that I supported and there were many. I got to check out a lot of places I’d heard opened after I left. I now understand what locals see in Cosmo that reviews and pictures couldn’t capture online. I’ll attempt to capture it in my review.

There are so many new developments downtown and I appreciated the ones I went to. There were others I intentionally stayed away from. I wanted to go to places with the older East Fremont feelings I know, the one that isn’t being bought up by that shoe company playing Monopoly with businesses that have been there decades longer.

I’m the biggest fan of Downtown and Mayor Oscar’s attempts to revitalize it (even the big empty location that the landlord has been noted for screwing up). But the shoe company is gobbling up property that they don’t have plans for yet. And the huge, glaring red flag no one wants to mention is that said company had 3 retail locations that eventually failed- years before the recession hit.

Wow, this’ll have to be a 2/ multi part-er. I haven’t scratched the surface on all the places I went! I got to explore nips deep and it was magnanimous!

2013/04/09 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

2013 Mission Statement (about the author thing)

Blogdate: 130110:19

It’s strange that my resolutions for the year are “more of the same.” My resolutions are really a carry over list of my weekly/ December list, really. There are degrees of satisfaction and complacency I have to beware. I must have goals I can achieve towards going where I want to and not get into another rut.

I was really surprised that I was happier than I thought come the end of last year. Surviving the second apocalypse of my life made me appreciative. While busting my ass to get hired, I actually achieved something else inadvertently. So in 2013, I will spend more time researching where to build the landing ramp, since I’ve built the shit out of the launch ramp. Still looking for the vehicle to ride across the unemployment chasm.

Continue to spend wise: I’m no longer thinking of myself as a tight-ass when it comes to spending, even when I do. What I notice when I go thru my dozen receipts every other month is that my purchases aren’t filled with the regret I had years ago. I buy shit I need and when I eat out, it’s to check out a restaurant and that’s pretty minimal. One of my biggest achievements of 2012 was paying off my one credit card without a (paycheck) job.

Eat healthier: I have done this, most of my groceries are now in the produce area. I buy as few canned things as possible (toxic lining). I reduced my meat intake to “a few bits” per meal, cutting back on preservatives and all that crap they pump into the animals. I try to eat less monocultured foods, which is the toughest thing to do along with cutting hfcs, every food has something that big farm tainted. I get craving for sweets so instead of corn syrup, I allowed myself dark chocolate or honey in it (checking the label for no chems).

Buy smaller and more local: The grocery store is probably the biggest chain I go to, California wide. Eh, I go to the (national) dollar store once every other month. I love the mom and pop shops, I go to the only couple of used book stores accessible to me. I go to the flea market every other month, “to browse.” The only thing I bought from manufacturer remains Dickies (indestructible) clothing. If I can’t buy it American, I buy it used at least, like at a thrift store.

There are other things I’ve been working on, like fuck the Jonses. The US has a strange fascination on tv it seems of following the richest people with “rich problems,” or “trashy” people “below” them (“reality” shows). People used to strive for better and I don’t know what happened. So I’ll strive for a “couple of levels” above me in terms of what I myself accomplished before.

The big goal I’ve had for the past couple of years is something of a recurring joke I’ve attacked from every angle possible and “not” tried. Applying with a history gap is shit that gets worse. The only thing I feel I make progress on is making or selling my own product or service I don’t need licenses or years of schooling for. So, my goal for the year is more related to researching more independent income methods that wind up being bullshit money-making schemes and scams.

I currently research a dozen cities demographics to see where my life can go, more importantly how I could survive until a first paycheck.

2013/01/10 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Senior Kittyzen Retirement Home

Owner’s blog, kitty date 66489.51

For the most part, I write a blog with the hope that someday you’ll come across it, share some comment love, follow it. The dream: regular commenter, blog interaction. But this blog is more of a reminder or a notation of some changes occurring. Things won’t be the way they were and this is something I get sad about.

Since I had to move back to condo de backup, whose complex name is literally “Downer,” my cat hos gone thru some noticeable changes.

According to some online vets, my cat is around 81 years old “in cat years.” My best estimate is she was born in 94, I got her after she was weaned from her mother, so 18 years “people time” as of this writing.

When we first moved back, she’d sleep on the foot of my bed by my legs like always. She immediately started pooping on the comforter, leading  to an elaborate hassle of taking it to the large washing machine at the Laundromat. I could wash the other sheets in the condo’s common washer/ dryer. There was stress in moving, and my nerves and depression were escalating as the situation was setting in for me, so that’s how I wrote it off with her.

We settled in and she stopped. There are 2 rooms to the condo and I eventually moved into the other room, rearranging everything because of the new asshole neighbor with a loud a/c hillbilly rigged to his window next to my (old) bedroom window. Also the booming home surround sound for their tv that let me know they weren’t watching PBS or anything above a PG-13 mentality.

Eventually in the new room, she started pooping under the bed and for a bit I’d put boxes and laundry stacks around the bed until I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I put a flattened cardboard box as a baby gate in my bedroom doorway. I’m now a VIP area asshole. So now, she scratches at it reliably my 3rd hour into my sleep, whatever time.

She eats canned food more because of her older teeth, sore gums. I even sprayed water on her dry food and there’s a small window she’ll eat it. Think how you eat cereal. Not too crunchy to shred the roof of your mouth, too mushy and you don’t want to eat it. Dry food is just a backup she eats at unpredictable times. For the canned food, I feed too much, she won’t finish it. I refrigerate her food after I open it, so she may not like room temperature food anymore? (I’ve gotten to refrigerate unopened cans).

I’ve done good for canned food, in that I’m a big no by-product Nazi. And I know canned cat food no matter how healthy probably is run the same or worse than human food processing, which has scared me to mostly vegetarian diet. I’ll eat meat once a day, or put a small amount of hot link in my spaghetti, jambalaya, etc. If I feed her too less can, she’ll want seconds, scratching that cardboard partition. Getting out of bed at 4:00AM is like pulling yourself out of a swimming pool. Somehow your body weighs 60 more lbs. and leg over the cardboard baby gate.

About a month ago, it looked like her rear legs started getting weaker. I didn’t know if they were sore, numbing or atrophying. I tried to walk her around a large circle with the only cat toy she’ll still perk up to, the red pen laser. She even stumbled on her litter box, so I knew shit was getting real.

And one week, she started writhing around on her back. I thought she was playing but I soon realized she was thrashing around uncontrollably. I held her, tried calming her down. She grabbed my finger with both front paws, I checked to make sure she had feeling and grasp. I held her until she stopped thrashing. Her heart was pumping hard. I don’t know if it was a heart attack, stroke or seizure. She made no kind of yelping or even drooling, I was very worried she didn’t/ couldn’t even call out.

She wasn’t very active for the week after, very understandable. I petted her a lot, but I did more so after that. She likes the side of her head and chin scratched. Her legs seemed to improve. I have bought vitamin treats since, hoping that helps.

I’m pissed at my vet because I’ve taken my cat at least 6 times, blood work costs $200 each time. He prescribed thyroid medicine that’s $30/ month that I still get. But I address my concerns and my cat’s problems every time and my vet won’t commit to saying a damn thing and it pisses me off to go home after to look symptoms on the net after I spent grocery money for him to not say anything useful or not to “take care of” my cat. He just wants blood work money. So I’m recognizing some struggles we had with my Grandfather when dealing with his doctors and him taking his medicine. I’ve gotten to a good grove in smashing her kitty meds into a tablespoon of milk.

This is my cat’s retirement and I love her more than anything. I know I could load a backpack and look for work in San Francisco or L.A. without her. But I’m committed to her for life. She’s the love of my life, even more than myself. I’ve been treating my body like the Millennium Falcon, a vehicle. I’m working on that. And when I was at my most depressed, I couldn’t continue thinking suicidal thoughts partially because I knew no one else could or would take care of my cat in her final years like I could.  know she’s a selfish cat. I know dogs have more “service to humans” capacity. Her biggest selling point was pooping and peeing in one place and her seizure has affected her habits, she doesn’t care as much anymore. Her hair’s matted from lack of grooming she used to be obsessive about.

but still, I owe my life to her, so my priority is to maintain hers. She’s still my baby girl, and will always be.

2012/06/27 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog gang bang, fill all holes

Action blog, accomplish date 66480.37

It’s time for another blog slathered in catch up. The good news is I’ve been busy.

1) I had a fish tank I moved around for years, so of course when I decided I’d start an aquarium to give my cat a TV for her to watch, I found it had a crack on the bottom, probably from the move back to Podunk. I was able to get a replacement, I paid more at a small local shop with historical roots for the past 50+ years, not a national imported chain. And I’m broke ass, it was worth it.

2) I’ve been reading a lot, resulting in some interesting opposites. Last month, I removed the tv, computer and I won’t bring my phone anymore into my bedroom. It’s created a strange land where sleep actually occurs. And I find myself thinking about getting to get back to my comfortable bed a few times a day. I read there, but I don’t get far, because lying down, I’m knocked on my rem ass pretty quickly, often with a lamp on and me waking up to a smashed book.

And I can’t read in the living room kitchen, because computer and tv. So I go out and I find myself looking for a hangout. I used to bring a book when I knew I’d go to the DMV or back in the day when I went to crowded malls for the Holidays (before I got smarter and did my shopping thru the year during all the business closing sales). I also got my reading done at bus stops. So Now I’m actually looking for an excuse to wait for something to read, that part’s kinda sad.

In the library, I can get reading done, but I wind up checking out FAAR more books than I can get thru. I want to check everything out, given 15 minutes to wander around. I get into audio books and dvds and I overload myself I wind up skimming everything which is bad news. My mind scrambles and I find myself in 5th gear with road vision, not paying attention to anything. And not retaining what I want to read is no good.

There are a dozen reasons why I don’t patronize the five bucks coffee place. The bathroom of a coffee shop has to be the scariest part of any business. I do love the term laptop hobos, another reason why I don’t go. And I never understand why people want to be around coffee beans grinding, can’t they do that in a radio booth or something?

A bar in the afternoon, now that’s nice and quiet. They want my business and the drunks are stewing about their own business and generally aren’t loud, or for very long until they get kicked out. There are chairs against the wall to sit at, although I do have to plan what I read that won’t draw a big interest. People want to look at your cover and I can’t take the jacket off a laminated library book easily. But I haven’t had a beer in a long, long time. What about an empty mug, optimists?

3) I’ve been analyzing my favorite tv shows of all time. I’m obsessed with studying why tv shows fail. I look at directors, producers and writers to see where their careers peaked and what’s happened to them after. On one hand, I’m worried that I hit my peak about 5-6 years ago. You can’t get better than what I got to do in my boredom that I spend most of the day trying to capture now.

In a status update, I decided I need to find a symbolic movie at least, something to pump my “worth” back up. It seems like I’ve been trolling the trade show/ infomercial circuit of life.

4) I’ve read enough business books, econ books and seen many, many seminar/ webinar videos on you tube. Once you get past all the god awful clichés, the inspirational story with inconsistent symbolism, the gimmick words and phrases, the sales pitch for books, web sites… What was I- oh, there are nuggets of wisdom. The 20/80 principle seems to come true, you get 20% wisdom for the 80% of bullshit to wade past. One thing I know is that while my schedule may be open, I need to keep busy educating myself with as much reading as I had in college. I’ve done more, but unfortunately I don’t have a certificate or diploma as proof.

I know I need to produce something on my own, be my own CEO. Stop working for jackassery of national companies where I’m an unknown cog. If I work at a local business one on 1 with the owner/ manager, I’d be far more important to the business. So I continue to focus on a small, local to work for, while I hedge that with trying to sell articles about local events to local rags.

Seems like most of the authors/ presenters ride on their promises with the next book, while writing a lot of rah rah fluff in the mean time.

I write about my adventures, instead. And harsh lessons. And unlike stories your friends tell you, I’m not always the hero of the events I recall.

2012/06/24 Posted by | random trains of thought- choo choo | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cheerleading 101

Writer’s blog: 66398.29

When you’re unemployed longer than you ever thought possible, you have to do a lot of mental self pep talks to keep going.

That last blog made me examine “sides” a lot. I had to see a list of every side I was on, think about why if they weren’t on “the winning” side. I see my favorite things either closing, becoming obsolete or on some documentary revealing the truths about things I was taught from (public) school.

I’ve read a lot of books about attitudes. I have worked on ranting less, which is odd. The people who have worked with me asked if I have been in commercials because of the energy I brought, customers included. I rant online in mostly anonymous profiles, largely so past/ potential employers can’t make the connection.

Even though I don’t have a job, I work on maintaining a schedule. I portion time to look for work, exercise (mostly by getting around), and try to find “free fun” in my community. I try to find redeeming things about this community I’ve left twice in my life as if it were any new city I’d move to if I could. I try to prioritize  things I can learn from or make money from. All things considered, I’ve been a far better boos to myself than some of the demanding yet stone managers I had to endure.

I have even applied for some of those jobs where they throw around the happy little work culture they brag about. I have spilled my heart out to a manager or 2 for a chance, when I haven’t stolen from a job- or anyone, I have a clean record, I am sharp and wittier (than frankly what I’ve seen there), etc.

At the grocery store, I buy healthier than I ever have, a lot of bulk things. Turns out, I eat a lot of old school/ kid’s snack things. I snack on raw vegetables or I steam them. I knocked $15 off groceries just buy buying a bag of potatoes. I snack on fruits, drink juices (and coffee/ mocha in the morning).

Every day is hard. I have goals that spin their wheels because I need a pay check to put most of them in motion. I have done some serious damage on my “if I had the time” lists of things to do.

It’s hard for me to visualize my goals. If I dream too high up, they’re unattainable. I don’t want to “settle for less,” it’s a big fear. I have lived the high life before. I listed most of the things I’ve wasted money on as well as people I wasted my time trying to impress when what I wanted was friends that would be with me thru these tough times.

Before I may have written about my goal plan. I have a dry erase board I write my weekly/ monthly and yearly goals. I try to keep them at an “easy 3,” since with top 10 lists, everything doesn’t get done. I don’t count the usual errands/ chores on my weekly (which I do have a printed list for), I mean something I do to go above that.

One of the problems I’m having is finding something “fun” to do to entertain me when I get down that is also productive or educational. I don’t want to play any video games. I try to limit my watching tv unless it meets a dozen criteria. As far as reception tv, I watch PBS the most. Then I watch my netflix of all the things that have stood the test of time as classics not just to critics, but from work of mouth of people who’s opinions I trust.

There’s a part of me that is very reluctant to accept this period of my life. I try hard to accept it as a learning time. I have very restless days where I want to work my ass off and sweat and walk with a handful of tips. I have had to think about what kids and seniors do with their financial/ mobile limitations.

I try to look at the positives of using public transportation, buying responsibly from smaller companies. I have a moral code I live by, even though my suffering makes me question it at times. A criteria I use is “when I had money, I…” and am happy when I did what I thought was right then as well.

Why has the past 2 years been about a perforated little piece of paper for me to put in the bank? I want to wake up and not feel stuck in life. Being happy is fighting a tide of employed/ corporate types.

Why can’t I get a break

2012/04/25 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , | Leave a comment