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Lentmowrimo Mardi Gras, Ash Williams and Easter pool party

Motivator’s blog, Celebration date: 130212:15

There’s a few people I follow on the net that post vlogs every day or amazing videos at least 3 times/ week. I’m amazed that they can edit and find some public domain music to use and have it up by the end of the day.

It’s no excuse but an admission that I don’t write when I’m busy. But when I’m not, I get in a funk because I’m a lazy ass and don’t write, which is as logical as someone eating junk food because they’re not losing weight.

For over 2 years I’ve been beating myself up, analyzing, researching, reading, figuring out not only where things went wrong but how I can not do it again. At the same time, I was also looking for a job to get me back in the game of life so I can save up to move where I can be that ever elusive “happy” concept.

Admittedly, it’s tough to write a blog when I don’t see my hits going up. I don’t write this expecting leagues of fans, but I thought I at least wanted the following I had when I blogged on myspace in it’s heyday years. I hate myself for checking the stats, but when I’m logged in there’s a damn monitor right there that I can’t block out, mentally or literally removing the function from the tool bar.

But that’s wrong. In my heart of hearts, I have to do this for me. I have to do this for the therapy. Putting myself out here, exposing my “weaknesses” is very risky, since I’ve seen celebrities overdo this and lose a lot of people with TMI. And we usually call these people comedians or musicians. I fall in the comedian category, since my life doesn’t go like a True Hollywood Story, with the drugs and the rehab, and ditched women with children. Truth be known the only thing keeping me from pursuing a career in stand up is the TSA. I hate airlines more than Indy hates the Nazis. In less than a century, terrorists and airline share holders fucked up the gift of flight.

This is a- thee HUGE month for me. Brick by brick I have built a ramp for let’s see… At least 139 weeks for the opportunity that’s coming. I have a countdown on my desktop counting the days down. And the number is pleasantly less than a year, less than a season now.

Spring is amazing, sans allergies. And colony collapse disorder can’t be helping. Oh, I’ve read about insecticides to cell towers and all that doom of where we’re heading. Everything becomes a documentary on how humans fuck the earth up. It’s why I love animals more than humans (at least it’s “leaders”).

Last year, I chose to make Earth my religion. I had to make hearing god and jesus bearable, so whenever I hear god, I mentally plug in the word Earth. When I hear jesus I mentally switch in Mother Nature. For some reason it’s a stigma to be thought of as a hippy. I’m shifting towards a more organic, less manufactured consumer and recycler.

Mardi Gras is supposed to be a night of celebration before taking on Lent, a month of sacrifice towards a good path. I’ve had the opposite problem. I’ve suffered. I’m the first to criticism myself and I have imploded on a regular basis. My lent is to try to celebrate the good things in life again. stop being a Charlie Brown and be Snoopy.

Cover of "Evil Dead II"

Ash Wednesday marathon!

There are people who recycle. There are people who buy local. There are people who don’t shop at the big box store, don’t live off fast food and don’t waste their hours on mindless tv. They go out, ride bikes and play games with their friends, not some program on a screen. I have to enjoy time with these people and stop being the battered shield for all that shit at the end of the documentaries.

I have analyzed all the times in my life when I was at my best and came up with similar conclusions. I have read many political, business, Buddhist, humor, sociology and psychological books to gain understanding.

This is the month where I take more action, face my biggest fears until I can laugh at them and do things the way I should have when I had the income.

2013/02/12 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What side are we on?

Writer’s blog, bardate 66270.66

When it comes down to it, I think I have 2 choices when I blog, positive or negative. I have, online before isolated people when I rant because it’s usually in the form of “us vs. them.” I get bombarded by things society pushes on me all day that I put up with, but then I go online and perpetuate it by bombarding you. And I do realize that you may have had nothing to do with the things that get pushed on me all week and that my frustration may come out of nowhere to you, even setting you off when our beliefs differ.

I am confused and troubled on how to get out of “the situation I‘m in.” But I find that this is a constant, even when I was employed, even when I had things I don’t now. So I look to all kinds of things I hadn’t considered before, try to look at things from another point of view. Try to find out how to enjoy where I am in life without comparing now to when things were better or what others have “more of“ than I do, an impossibly can’t win standard.

Realistically, a lot of other points of view I checked out have just proven themselves to be exactly as stupid and narrow-minded as I imagined them to be. Then there’s a middle category, where I can understand where they’re coming from, even though my belief is still different.

Each issue has sides to it. I was going to write a blog a few weeks ago on how we’re conditioned to think everyone is an asshole. And I’m not even getting into a discussion about politics, religion or sports, which I put in the order I thought had the most effects to society. See, you may already be thinking different here.

TV or not TV: I may be about 5 years too late for this, but since I started writing in this blog regularly for a few months I suppose I can chalk it up to “back story.” I didn’t have cable tv since I spent a week horrified of 9/11 reports. I allowed myself to be sucked into the fear, and yet I still wasn’t frightened into voting for Bush (either time). I haven’t had broadband for a while til this January, since I scored it for cheap, less than $20/ mo (netzero.net), a couple bucks more than they offered for their dial-up that I put up w/ a few years.

I don’t watch a lot of tv, what I rent on Netflix are movies and tv shows that I factor from the “best of” what I’ve missed in the past decade I was partying in Vegas.

Before that, I believed in a “future’s future.” That meant I liked all the Star Trek Shows. And I’m not talking about the freaky aliens, I’m talking about how races of Earth were together, going out discovering & helping other cultures w/ their problems. There was a hierarchy for organizations you could believe in. Trek may have had corrupt people in systems, but whether you were Federation or Klingon, or whatever, you didn’t think the organization itself was in shambles as the organizations that basically run our society.

It’s interesting to look back to see what the future was supposed to be. When Star Trek was on, the future didn’t have anything to do with “reality tvkim kardashian, jersey shore type shows. It wasn’t led by socialites in trouble with the law, the paris hilton, or lindsey lohan, or the celebrities battling with their weight and botched cosmetic surgeries. It’ didn’t have anything to do with drugs, food and water supplies that we couldn’t trust. Nor did it involve power, electric or the gas that runs our vehicles to get more expensive, resources that was not only running lower, but polluting our planet. It didn’t have anything to do with all our electronics being networked on a new system, this internet, that is far more unstable that governments themselves have been hacked repeatedly on it. We’re all supposed to be logical scientists with tricorders working on “higher” levels of problems.

I have my interests that are often in the minority I admit. When “everyone” likes something, I find a reason to pick into it’s popularity, aside from being middle of the road, bland, sold out, the corporation that sponsored it, made in China, etc.

But, I’m trying. I look back and at every job, I’ve gone along with the others, I picked my battles. I put up with a lot of shit, but then find myself in a position that when I finally need something people don’t rally behind me to help me out, as I’ve done time and time again for them. I read psych books that say, if people bother you so much, stop hanging around them. This isolates me. I’m supposed to go out there into new environments to “network,” and find new opportunities, that I reluctantly do every week.

And by the way, are the unemployed sitting at home any less anti-social than going out with your friends every night to have your head stuck in an igadget?

I could write a supplemental list of sides of issues that I think about every day.

Next week, I’m considering writing about my cat. I think she deserves some blog time. And hopefully it’ll be a happier topic, for my head.

Any other topic suggestions?

2012/04/08 Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment