Restless For My Favorite Fall Month

Just got up from a dream, it was wonderful. I was star struck with a group of my favorite people. I know thru several writing books you don’t start a story with a dream. 😛

I’ve been antsy all weekend. I know the general why, but I write lists anyway to purge and look for anything in a list that could be a clue to be deciphered.

My goal this summer was to basically go out and live, which doesn’t mean piss money away getting drunk. I enjoyed food, I wanted to do more fulfilling things. Social causes that don’t turn into self-promotion.

I’ve been a fan of a lot of things and followed a lot of groups and events. Admiration for a group is odd. I have been to things like derby or cosplay convention and felt there’s not much I felt I could contribute to it.

At the risk of being a townie, one of the inspirational places is my local State college. 20 somethings learn about the world, participate more in activism before a job, spouse or children become excuses to not get involved in steering the battleship of history with one paddle.

I have an energy that most people my age don’t have. I’ve been unemployed and had a bit of a glimpse of what retired life is, all the time and not much money. I see other people in the grind, I see the distractions in the form of various screens, “dumb entertainment” to pacify them. Too “tired” to save the next generation of kids or the planet for that matter.

Summer is ending, am I restless because the kiddies are in school and I can go out on a weekday? Nope, I usually can, I’ve noticed the past few years the streets aren’t filled with kids playing anymore. Even if parents aren’t worried about abduction, video games have become the new television to keep kids occupied at home. Millennials don’t even want to get their licenses or move out anymore.

This summer, I’ve had some opportunities I’ve been working for towards longer goals. I’ve been hesitant to jump as I have failed this life’s biggest ambition twice before. I don’t want to leave space dock until I have what I’m satisfied is a “guarantee” that I can punch a clock again in a job where I don’t simmer in my own stifled frustration.

I could be restless, giving up my end of summer plans because Halloween my mother of all holidays is looming. It’s my x-mas, I search for my meaning of it, the best way I can celebrate it the whole month. There’s not pressure, but responsibility to make sure it’s great and not wasted because after it, x-mas is a long, dark corridor I feel like is the longest 5 months to new years.

For the past few years, I’ve been playing Fuck Marry Kill with 3 cities that I want to be my next home. But that’s a whole other topic. One of them is a city I got to have an affair with that I eventually wanted to marry, but the nation decided that banks and military were the priority and millions of other citizens were left behind.