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Lentmowrimo Mardi Gras, Ash Williams and Easter pool party

Motivator’s blog, Celebration date: 130212:15

There’s a few people I follow on the net that post vlogs every day or amazing videos at least 3 times/ week. I’m amazed that they can edit and find some public domain music to use and have it up by the end of the day.

It’s no excuse but an admission that I don’t write when I’m busy. But when I’m not, I get in a funk because I’m a lazy ass and don’t write, which is as logical as someone eating junk food because they’re not losing weight.

For over 2 years I’ve been beating myself up, analyzing, researching, reading, figuring out not only where things went wrong but how I can not do it again. At the same time, I was also looking for a job to get me back in the game of life so I can save up to move where I can be that ever elusive “happy” concept.

Admittedly, it’s tough to write a blog when I don’t see my hits going up. I don’t write this expecting leagues of fans, but I thought I at least wanted the following I had when I blogged on myspace in it’s heyday years. I hate myself for checking the stats, but when I’m logged in there’s a damn monitor right there that I can’t block out, mentally or literally removing the function from the tool bar.

But that’s wrong. In my heart of hearts, I have to do this for me. I have to do this for the therapy. Putting myself out here, exposing my “weaknesses” is very risky, since I’ve seen celebrities overdo this and lose a lot of people with TMI. And we usually call these people comedians or musicians. I fall in the comedian category, since my life doesn’t go like a True Hollywood Story, with the drugs and the rehab, and ditched women with children. Truth be known the only thing keeping me from pursuing a career in stand up is the TSA. I hate airlines more than Indy hates the Nazis. In less than a century, terrorists and airline share holders fucked up the gift of flight.

This is a- thee HUGE month for me. Brick by brick I have built a ramp for let’s see… At least 139 weeks for the opportunity that’s coming. I have a countdown on my desktop counting the days down. And the number is pleasantly less than a year, less than a season now.

Spring is amazing, sans allergies. And colony collapse disorder can’t be helping. Oh, I’ve read about insecticides to cell towers and all that doom of where we’re heading. Everything becomes a documentary on how humans fuck the earth up. It’s why I love animals more than humans (at least it’s “leaders”).

Last year, I chose to make Earth my religion. I had to make hearing god and jesus bearable, so whenever I hear god, I mentally plug in the word Earth. When I hear jesus I mentally switch in Mother Nature. For some reason it’s a stigma to be thought of as a hippy. I’m shifting towards a more organic, less manufactured consumer and recycler.

Mardi Gras is supposed to be a night of celebration before taking on Lent, a month of sacrifice towards a good path. I’ve had the opposite problem. I’ve suffered. I’m the first to criticism myself and I have imploded on a regular basis. My lent is to try to celebrate the good things in life again. stop being a Charlie Brown and be Snoopy.

Cover of "Evil Dead II"

Ash Wednesday marathon!

There are people who recycle. There are people who buy local. There are people who don’t shop at the big box store, don’t live off fast food and don’t waste their hours on mindless tv. They go out, ride bikes and play games with their friends, not some program on a screen. I have to enjoy time with these people and stop being the battered shield for all that shit at the end of the documentaries.

I have analyzed all the times in my life when I was at my best and came up with similar conclusions. I have read many political, business, Buddhist, humor, sociology and psychological books to gain understanding.

This is the month where I take more action, face my biggest fears until I can laugh at them and do things the way I should have when I had the income.


2013/02/12 - Posted by | Single malts | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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