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About the author, 20120812.23:

I’ve been unemployed for a couple of years, now.

The list of everything I’ve lost in the past couple of years is a horrific joke about my life. Primarily a paycheck, but I also lost “friends” because I basically can’t afford to hang out with them. I lost most of my support groups in just about every category online and off. People you thought were friends want to dodge you when you’re down. If I ever get back on my feet, I’m sure they’ll poke their head in to say “hey, pal, where have you been?” Those people aren’t friends.

There have been many last straws, but the latest is losing my cat of 17 years. Of all the jobs, places I’ve lived, women, friends, vehicles, banks, cell phones that came and went, my cat was there to come home to and make everything better just by wanting me to pet her and feed her. It’s the biggest loss I think I’ve ever had at a time when I’m already down about not being able to get out of unemployment. She was the last, biggest thing I had in my life that I had pride in, that I could give all my love to unconditionally after people in my life turned into heartless, mindless pop consumer zombies.

I struggle to get out of the condo every day. I have to get out there to look for work, to look for a group to belong to, to look for some place that could make me happy where I’m not (just) a paying customer.

In my unemployment I have created 3 lists: 1) of responsible projects and basically things I am doing now when I had too busy from work and a social life as an excuse not to do, 2) things I need to replace and spending priorities with an income. Things that don’t involve more monthly payments. also, things I need to “buy to make money.” 3) longer term goals “after I pay off my credit card.”

The world seems very empty to me. I’ve explored the world and done incredible things that seem like a distant memory I can’t get back to. I don’t have a spouse, pets or family to share my adventures and stories with. I’m not used to doing anything for myself, even the past couple of years involved getting me and my cat out of this god forsaken condo.

I have to write about my accomplishments here and things that do make me happy. I try to do the right things and it’s very difficult to see others skate by wasting so much, doing so many stupid things. I keep doing the honorable, politically and ecologically correct things as best I can. I’m tired of living in frustration. I want the level happiness I once had, even though I can’t get anything back during those Best Times of my life.


2012/08/12 - Posted by | Single malts

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