an Amazing WordPress.com site

Cheerleading 101

Writer’s blog: 66398.29

When you’re unemployed longer than you ever thought possible, you have to do a lot of mental self pep talks to keep going.

That last blog made me examine “sides” a lot. I had to see a list of every side I was on, think about why if they weren’t on “the winning” side. I see my favorite things either closing, becoming obsolete or on some documentary revealing the truths about things I was taught from (public) school.

I’ve read a lot of books about attitudes. I have worked on ranting less, which is odd. The people who have worked with me asked if I have been in commercials because of the energy I brought, customers included. I rant online in mostly anonymous profiles, largely so past/ potential employers can’t make the connection.

Even though I don’t have a job, I work on maintaining a schedule. I portion time to look for work, exercise (mostly by getting around), and try to find “free fun” in my community. I try to find redeeming things about this community I’ve left twice in my life as if it were any new city I’d move to if I could. I try to prioritize  things I can learn from or make money from. All things considered, I’ve been a far better boos to myself than some of the demanding yet stone managers I had to endure.

I have even applied for some of those jobs where they throw around the happy little work culture they brag about. I have spilled my heart out to a manager or 2 for a chance, when I haven’t stolen from a job- or anyone, I have a clean record, I am sharp and wittier (than frankly what I’ve seen there), etc.

At the grocery store, I buy healthier than I ever have, a lot of bulk things. Turns out, I eat a lot of old school/ kid’s snack things. I snack on raw vegetables or I steam them. I knocked $15 off groceries just buy buying a bag of potatoes. I snack on fruits, drink juices (and coffee/ mocha in the morning).

Every day is hard. I have goals that spin their wheels because I need a pay check to put most of them in motion. I have done some serious damage on my “if I had the time” lists of things to do.

It’s hard for me to visualize my goals. If I dream too high up, they’re unattainable. I don’t want to “settle for less,” it’s a big fear. I have lived the high life before. I listed most of the things I’ve wasted money on as well as people I wasted my time trying to impress when what I wanted was friends that would be with me thru these tough times.

Before I may have written about my goal plan. I have a dry erase board I write my weekly/ monthly and yearly goals. I try to keep them at an “easy 3,” since with top 10 lists, everything doesn’t get done. I don’t count the usual errands/ chores on my weekly (which I do have a printed list for), I mean something I do to go above that.

One of the problems I’m having is finding something “fun” to do to entertain me when I get down that is also productive or educational. I don’t want to play any video games. I try to limit my watching tv unless it meets a dozen criteria. As far as reception tv, I watch PBS the most. Then I watch my netflix of all the things that have stood the test of time as classics not just to critics, but from work of mouth of people who’s opinions I trust.

There’s a part of me that is very reluctant to accept this period of my life. I try hard to accept it as a learning time. I have very restless days where I want to work my ass off and sweat and walk with a handful of tips. I have had to think about what kids and seniors do with their financial/ mobile limitations.

I try to look at the positives of using public transportation, buying responsibly from smaller companies. I have a moral code I live by, even though my suffering makes me question it at times. A criteria I use is “when I had money, I…” and am happy when I did what I thought was right then as well.

Why has the past 2 years been about a perforated little piece of paper for me to put in the bank? I want to wake up and not feel stuck in life. Being happy is fighting a tide of employed/ corporate types.

Why can’t I get a break


2012/04/25 - Posted by | Single malts | , , , ,

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: